Happiness doesnt come from being the skinniest or losing lots of weight (masterpost)

Body love and body acceptance is about looking in the mirror and being happy  about the way you look. Its about knowing that you will have days you are bloated and it doesnt matter. Knowing that saome days you will feel less happy and other days more happy. Its about feeling ok in your body and your body image. Learnng to love how you look, or atleast accept and be ok with how you look and not feeling the need to change your appearance or try to look like someone else. Its about accepting your flaws and accepting who you are.

If you have lost alot of weight due to your eating disorder and you need to regain that weight, it does mean that your body will change. The changes arent negative or bad ones, they are changes your body has to make to be healthy again. Its not always easy to accept the changes your body goes through, but its something you just need to do. You cant spend your whole life hating your body or trying to change your body because then you will never be at peace with your body, you will lack confidence and just not feel good about yourself if you are constantly wishing to look like someone else or wishing your body looked different. There are so many other important things in life to worry about and other things to put your focus and energy on, rather than worrying about your body. Also remember that all those "flaws" you see - only you notice them.

You have to take the attention away from your body and realize that you look the way you do. Genetics play a huge role in how you look and certain things you just cant change and you just need to be ok with that. But also accepting the fact that people look different, there will ALWAYS be someone skinnier than you and someone bigger than you. And its just to accept that fact. There is NO pride in being the skinniest or being the leanest. Focus on loving yourself and unfollow any accounts that might trigger you or make you feel bad about your body.

Recovery is about learning to love your healthy body. Not just your appearance, but learn to be happy in your body because it is stronger, because it is healthier and more capable. Strength training and running were two things that made it easier for me to love my body, not because it changed my body but because i realised what my body could do. I loved having a healthier and stronger body and realizing that i could carry groceries from the store without getting tired, i could go for runs and not feel like fainting, i could lift weights and notice myself getting stronger. There is of course a negative to working out because it can lead you to become focused on looking "fit" or having abs or being super lean, but if you just focus on what your body can do and not changing your body it can make it easier for you to love your body and love exercise. Compared to if you exercise just to change your body.


Reliase that there is no pride or achievement in being the skinniest. There is however achievement in being healthy, mentally and physically. Knowing that you are fueling your body properly, treating it properly and being capable of living life.

Your body will change in recovery and some of my tips are to
1) get rid of old triggering photos of yourself.
2) Get rid of too small clothes.
3) No measuring or weighing yourself
4) Unfollow triggering accounts
5) Say 5 positive things about yourself every morning and evening
6) If you ever get negative thoughts about yourself change them to positive ones. Dont let the negative thoughts win.
7)Wear comfortable clothes. Take care of your skin and hair. Make yourself feel good.
8) Accept your flaws. We all have small things we get caught up on about ourselves. But learn to accept them and just be ok with them.
9) Realise that changing your body wont bring happiness if the problem is in your head.
10) Do things that make you feel more body confident. Maybe wear a tight top. Go swimming. Buy an outfit that makes you feel confident. Get your hair cut or dye your hair. Get a massage. etc All those things force you to feel more confident in your body.


Its a learning process and it takes time. But changing your thoughts is the important thing. If you constantly long back to a skinny body or constantly think about changing your body or wanting to look like someone else, then it is very hard to learn to love yourself and be ok with your body. It all starts in your head!!

Below are some other helpful posts:
Not being the skinniest anymore and how to adjust

Seeing your body change - eating disorder recovery
Be your own "body goals"
Learn to love your body
Good body image days shouldnt just be when you feel skinny or thin
Learning self love - my self love journey
Dealing with your body changing in recovery
My weght distribution during recovery (contains trggering pictures)
How to feel confident in yourself and your body
I'm weight restored, what happens now
If i can't be skinny, i'll be fit
Summer body and going on detoxes
10 better body affirmations

Body image positivity

"A good body image day is not the day you feel skinniest, it’s the day you can look at yourself and smile. The day you can look at yourself and feel alright."

good body image days shouldnt just be when you feel skinny or thin

A while ago i began thinking about how often good body days were correlated with a "feeling skinny" type of feeling... or like a lean/non bloated feeling.  Sure i felt good and liked my body most days but the "good body days" were the days when i had a feeling of "tightness and leanness".

But now when i reflect over it, it is so silly. Why should body confidence or that "i feel great in my body" be just when you feel skinny.... because in all honesty, you can't feel skinny or fat - those arent feelings. It is something else that makes you feel that way, whether its anxiousness, nerves, stress... or feeling happy, enough sleep, relaxed, excited etc 

Since i began thinking about this connection a few months ago i have realised how you can have good body image days despite being super bloated (as long as the bloat isnt accompanied by pain or cramps... because then nobody feels good, hahaha) or feeling tired or as some people call it "fluffy" (i dont get this expression though?). 

Body image is about the way you see yourself and if you decide to always see the best in yourself, decide to always TRY to FEEL your best then you will also look your best and automatically feel better in your body. Your good body image days or self esteem shouldnt be connected with a sense of feeling skinny... it should be connected with feeling happy, feeling energetic and filled with life.

Over the past few months my good body image days i.e the really good ones, have been more connected with a sense of happiness and joy. That even if i wake up with a huge bloat in the morning, that doesnt hinder my good mood or make me have a bad day or make me feel less confident in my body. Instead, as long as i have a feeling of energy and strength and health in my body then i feel good in my body. But the days where i am tired, feel very low on energy and just lack all types of motivation then i generally feel worse in my body as my body feels heavy, slow, weak and not energetic... somedays just brushing my teeth or hair takes too much energy. Then its hard to feel confident or great in your body when you walk around with clothes on from the previous day and havent brushed your hair in 3 days, hahaha. (Though these symptoms are due to mental illness and nothing to laugh about in all honesty.)

Of course, bloating and body image havent been a problem for me for a few years now. I.e bad body image days dont hinder me from living life, of course i might not wear tight clothes the days i dont feel so great, but they dont make me feel awful or hate myself like they once did. Instead, i dont let my body decide my mood.... but i did of course realise that somedays when i felt super confident it was because of that "lean/tight" feeling - and i dont want it to be that way. And so by working to feel super confident in my body all days and because of a health and energetic feeling, then it is much easier to have better body image days - and more of them!!

1) Dont let your body control your mood/day

2) Spend less time infront of the mirror and more time living life

3) Bloating passes

4) You cant feel skinny or fat - they arent feelings. There are Actual feelings behind those "fake" feelings. Try to get to the bottom of the real feelings instead!

5) You are more than your body.

6) Learn to love your body at all shapes and sizes and weight. Love your body from all angles and your reflection in the mirror... this is your body, so sooner or later you have to learn to accept and love it.

7) Self love comes from the inside and your body image and self love shouldnt be connected with just being skinny or looking a certain way - life isnt about the way you look, but about how you live life. And the body constantly changes, so if your good mood is just due to feeling skinny then that good mood wont last long.

 I dont think this post makes much sense, but trying to write out a jumble of thoughts! 

10 better body affirmations

10 BETTER BODY AFFIRMATIONS FOR YOUNG WOMEN

1. Your body is in flux for the rest of your life. Think of your body as fluid instead of static — it’s always going to change. So get comfortable with those changes.

2. No one will love you or not love you because of your body. You are lovable because you’re you, not because your body looks a certain way.

3. The most intensely personal relationship you’ll ever have is with your body. It’s a lifelong relationship that’s well worth investing in and nurturing the same way you would with loved ones.

4. You don’t owe your body to anyone. Not sexually, not aesthetically. Your body is yours. Period.

5. What someone else says about your body says more about them than it does about you. Look past the actual snark to the person who’s saying it, because it’s only a reflection of what they think of themselves. That’s when you’ll see how little power their words have.

6. Your body is not a reflection of your character. It’s a physical home for the complex and wondrous and unique being that is you.

7. Take up as much space as you want. You don’t have to be small, or quiet, or docile, regardless of your physical size.

8. Everything you need to accept your body is already inside you. There’s no book, or diet, or workout routine or external affirmation that you need to feel good about your body right now.

9. Your body is a priority. It’s always trying to tell you things. Taking the time to listen to is of the utmost importance.

10. Wear whatever you want. Your body shape does not dictate your personal style, and fashion rules that say otherwise are wrong. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel happy and confident and beautiful, because guess what? You are.

Ami Angelowicz and Winona Dimeo-Ediger

Days when you feel uncomfortable in your body

There are some days where, for some unknown reason, i can feel really uncomfortable in my body. And not in the sense of being bloated, as that can often leave someone feeling uncomfortable and like they are 3 sizes bigger than what they actually are. And it is not "self hate" either, just an uncomfortable feeling... like you arent quite in touch with your body. It is most likely something to do with hormones, feeling clumsier and out of tune with your body.

That was how i felt today. And it is hard to explain because it is like an uncomfortable feeling when you sit down and when you move or do things you just sort of feel out of tune. Maybe it is just me, but i am pretty sure i amn't alnoe with having these weird days.

But you know what... the best thing to do is to throw on a huge jumper and some comfortable clothes. Take a walk, drink some tea and then just detach your thoughts from your body. Because the more you think about it, or the more you allow those uncomfortable thoughts to control you and weave their way through your thoughts, the worse you will feel.

The best thing for me when i have these weird body days (which dont happen so often) is to wear these pants which i can basically drag up over my stomach... imagine pants for pregnant women ;) and then a  huge jumper - with of course a comfortable sports bra under! And then i focused on my studies (which i did from 12-8pm with a few pauses here and there for food/social media break/needed to drink coffee and close my eyes for 10 minutes before feeling energized again).

Getting my thoughts away from the uncomfortable feeling is what will make you feel better. Just resting and doing other stuff or spending time with others can be helpful.

But most importantly... know that it isnt your body. It is just thoughts and a weird feeling you have. Such as when you have "fat" feelings, remember... fat is NOT a feeling. You cant feel it... it is something else which then makes you feel bigger, but you cant feel fat.... it is some type of emotion or thoughts behind that "feeling". It is hard to explain, but just remember that.... fat/skinny, they are descriptions and not feelings. So it can also be good to get to the root of what you are actually feeling. For example sometimes when people are stressed or anxious they can feel "fat" but the problem is the anxiety or stress, not the persons body. So just a little pro tip!!!



Also remember, that all feelings pass!! And even if you feel out of tune with your body or feel uncomfortable with your body, dont skip meals!! Keep eating your meals and drinking water, because skipping meals wont help with anything and feeling hungry wont help anything either!!

It is good to be in touch with your body such as tiredness, hunger, fullness, energy... but sometimes the best thing is to detach yourself from those and "just be"....



I dont even know if this makes sense. But i was trying to put words to the weird feelings i felt today, haha. Anyway, for now it is sleep and hopefully i can get atleast 6 hours sleep. Actually when i come to think of it.... lack of sleep can definitely cause the weird "out of tune with my body" feelings, and it can also cause "fat feelings", from my own experience anyway! Lack of sleep and lack of food can definitely cause weird body feelings.... so maybe priortizing sleep is what i need to do right now, hahaa!

Thats the thing with blogging, i give myself advice and come to realisations while i write ;);)

Negative body image and comparing yourself to others

I was asked to write about distorted body image and how to stop comparing yourself to others ....  with the distorted body image, its hard to give proper advice.




  For me no matter how many times someone told me i was skinny, that i was underweight, i didnt look healthy, i wasnt fat...  it never stuck in my head. I would still look down at my body or look in the mirror and just see how fat i was... even when i took photos of myself, i would look at them in disgust. Hating how big i looked, Its not until afterwards, now when im recovered i can look at those photos and see that i was far from overweight or fat. But at the time i didnt see that.... i would look in the mirror and see 101 things i hated about myself. I zoomed in on the small things i hated about myself as well as the bigger things i hated about myself.
  The truth is... everyone can look in the mirror and say 10 things they hate about themselves, infact im sure the list of things you see as flaws (though they arent, i promise. Doesnt matter whether they are scars, burn marks, beauty marks, spots etc... they make you YOU. They make you unique and nothing you should be ashamed about or see as a flaw. ) But it takes courage and strength to say atleast 3 things you love about yourself.
  This is something many people struggle with. They focus on the negatives and have to stand and think for 30 minutes before they can come up with a positive about themselves.

But this is exactly what you need to do. For me in recovery... i avoided mirrors as often as i could. Whenever i looked in the mirror i just thought negative thoughts. I tried to focus on other things apart from my body. And that helped me to stop thinking so negatively about myself and my body...
  Also, i started my actual recovery and weight gain in the summer, so i did spend time in a bikini. Which was awful at first but i didnt want to sit hiding away. I also got to see so many different body shapes... tall people and short people, skinny people and chubbier people.... so many different shapes and sizes. Everyone different, everyone unique.

  Im the type of person who often sees the good in everyone else, who can look at someone and instantly see 10 good things about them. (Though when i was very sick i had a period where i thought negative thoughts about everyone and everything. Critisized other peoples bodies because i wasnt happy with my own).  But i began seeing the good in everyone else and soon realised, i had to see the good in me as well. I had to see my positives... why do i look down on myself, hate myself, tell myself im fat, whilst i can look at others and just think how great they look, no matter what shape or size.
   It also helped me to realise that people look different, there will ALWAYS be someone skinnier than you, just like there will ALWAYS be someone bigger than you. Some people are taller than you, others are shorter than you.
  But ask yourself... what is so important about being skinnier than someone else? It really doesnt make a difference, it wont make you happier, it wont make you a better person, it wont make you smarter... it wont make you anything. Just skinnier than someone... just like someone else might have longer hair than you, or bigger feet than you. Its NOT a competition.
  You can be/look like a skeleton when you are in a grave.... you have plenty of time for that, so why look like a skeleton when you are alive?

With comparing yourself to others, you have to first learn to love yourself. See yourself for how you truly look.... if mirrors or photos trigger you. Just avoid them. Instead say or write down 3-5 good things about yourself EVERYDAY. Even if you repeat the same things, just do that.
  Many people struggle with this... they cant seem to do it. But its a good exercise to do to learn to love yourself... soon you will be able to say 5 or 10 good things about yourself, just like that. And NOT feel bad about saying them. Because what is so bad about loving yourself? People who think you are silly or vain or egoistic for loving yourself or being able to say good things about yourself are just jealous and have low self esteem.
  
You need to realise that the way you look IS NOT a competition. DONT compare yourself to everyone around you... it takes too much energy out of your life. Too many thoughts on body shape, on who is skinniest, who has skinniest legs or biggest arms.. its tiring. Its not a way to live.
   You need to stop focusing on body shape, but focus on other things... such as being happy. Living life, spending time with friends.

Because in the end, if you spend 99% of your time, energy and thoughts on your body shape and others body shapes you wont truly be happy. You need to let go of the obsessive body thoughts and learn to just live life and be happy. Think positive thoughts and other thoughts.

It can also help to talk about your thoughts or write them down... to get advice on how to cope with the thoughts of comparing.
  Each time you look at a photo of someone else, or look at someone else and begin to compare yourself, then STOP. Take a deep breath and begin telling yourself 5 reasons why you shouldnt compare yourself to that other person and why you are perfect just the way you are.












Below is a helpful advice post about negative body image: LINK

Seeing yourself in pictures

Believe it or not, i can struggle with seeing pictures of myself. I think this is something most people struggle with, until they have learnt to just be ok with it.

It's like when you hear your voice in a video, it sounds strange and doesnt sound like you. But that is because you hear yourself from the inside. I have had times i have stopped speaking for days - yes days - because i have been so conscious about my voice after hearing it in a video. But i have learnt to deal with it... i have a weird accent, and i dont like the sound of my own voice. But i cant change that and so i deal with it. Just like with pictures. I know i post 101 pictures of myself, and not every picture is bad according to me. There are some pictures of myself where i think Damn, i look good. And then there are other pictures of myself which i see and just want to cry because i think, is that how i look? But those are just thoughts and negative feelings. When you see yourself in pictures you look different. Because when you look in the mirror you often see yourself in a certain angle, not to mention that all mirrors are slightly different... in some mirrors you look slimmer and in some you look taller or larger. So mirrors arent the best thing to rely on... but also that when you look in the mirror you often look at your best angles. You know which angle you look good from and that is what you see, but you also dont see yourself from the side or in different angles. So then when you see yourself in photos when you are just doing things or taken in weird angles then you look different. You might be making a weird face, or your turning so your stomach sticks out or your waving your hands like a crazy person. All these "caught in the moment" photos have at times made me want to curl into a ball and never show myself again because i think.... this is how people see me. But you know what... we are all human beings. NOBODY LOOKS PICTURE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. Those awesome pictures you see, they are one second when a person is standing still, most often. There are certain angles, lighting and poses which make people look different and better. But then when they arent posing, standing still or with certain lighting or angles then they can also look weird in photos.

The best thing i can say is to ACCEPT YOURSELF. You will look weird in photos, you will see yourself in different angles. Some people take pictures from high above or from below you which all make you look different. Photos are just one second they are not how you always look. It is nothing you need to feel ashamed about or want to hide yourself because of.

Have you ever  noticed that when you look at a group picture of you and your friends everyone looks at themselves. Comments something about themself, how strange they look... its like you dont even notice the others in the photos, or everyone else looks so good apart from yourself. Thats how most people think because seeing yourself in photos IS weird.. you look different and unusual from how you see yourself everyday. But you see your friends and family everyday, you see them from different angles and lights and they still look good... so they dont look strange in photos because that is how you see them anyway. But seeing yourself in photos is strange and not like usual. But you have to accept that.

You cant avoid never seeing a photo of yourself, i know some who will do everything to never be in a photo and if a photo of them is taken they wont look at it and it isnt allowed to be uploaded anywhere. But you have to get over those things..... you dont have to take 101 selfies everyday, but accept that sometimes photos will be taken of you. And there is nothing wrong with that, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BODY. Even if you think you look strange and yes, we all have those horrible photos where we are looking super weird and you just feel terrible about yourself for a few moments. But once again, that is one second and not how you always look. Its important to face things like this, not let them hold you back. Realise you are more than your body and photos arent a bad thing.  It takes time to be ok with seeing photos of yourself, i still struggle with it sometimes. But its just to take a deep breathe and think... who cares. I mean you dont have to do anything with the photo if you really hate it. For me... even if i dont like photos of myself, i post them anyway. Sounds strange, but it is a way for me to get over that negative voice, not let it control me. I dont often mention when i dont like photos of myself because there is no point in it... i look past what i think are flaws and instead know that its a good challenge and good way to overcome negative body feelings when you know that there are thousands of other people seeing the photo and nobody says anything bad... so then i try to tell myself, there is nothing bad with the photo either. Its just my mind.

^4 photos taken of me, where i have seen more negatives than postiives. But i tell myself that.... who cares. This is how i look and i cant change that. I can only be happy with myself.

A video for those who struggle with body image

Incase it doesnt work you can find the youtube link HERE

Focusing too much on your body and appearance - my thoughts

Something which i have realized recently is how more body confident and less attention is focused on my body when i have began taking less body pictures - or what to call them. Many of my readers know that i do have an IG where i used to post more of that type of thing and that doesnt necessarily have to be a bad thing, i liked doing it. So why shouldnt i? However i have begun posting more of other things and its like now less time is focused on looking in the mirror and looking at how i look. Not flexing my stomach, not caring how my arms or legs or belly look flexed. Because in the end i am covered in clothes 90% of the time. But like i was reminded by a reader, what is the point in posting those types of photos? I did enjoy sharing my progress and sometimes i wish i could do more of that on here without being judged for it. But whenever i do share progress photos i get comments like i focus too much on my body or that i am a bad role model because i look a certain way. So i abstain from posting too many body photos and such... though of course, when it comes to summer and i do workout in shorts and a sports bra or go to the beach and such i feel absaloutly no need to cover myself up or feel bad because i look a certain way.

However i feel i am getting off topic - what i wanted to write was that by taking less body photos, spending less time looking in the mirror and instead focusing on others things, thinking about other things and doing on other things. It leads to better body confidence as you dont think about how your body looks, you dont care whether your stomach is bloated or not. But also you feel no pressure to look a certain way.

I can also HIGHLY suggest to stop following accounts who post too much bodyspo or post photos that trigger you. I mean why look at things that trigger you or make you feel bad about yourself? Just unfollow them. Get rid of negativity in your life.

So with this message i want you to think about.... do you take body photos? Do you spend a little too much time looking in the mirror and looking at your body? Can you change that? Give it a go... go a week without taking body pictures, without spending alot of time looking in the mirror. Instead maybe do some other nice things like an at home spa or a massage. Or workout without spending the whole time focused on how your body looks, instead focus on how it feels... how do YOU feel when you exercise/workout?


However... i do believe in taking selfies :) Of course not an extreme amount :) But sometimes you just feel super hella awesome, then take that selfie :) Enjoy your smile, share your smile!! But dont focus too much on your body, because you are MORE THAN YOUR BODY.

Body dysmorphia/Distorted body image

I was asked to write about distorted body image and how to stop comparing yourself to others ....  with the distorted body image, its hard to give proper advice.



  For me no matter how many times someone told me i was skinny, that i was underweight, i didnt look healthy, i wasnt fat...  it never stuck in my head. I would still look down at my body or look in the mirror and just see how fat i was... even when i took photos of myself, i would look at them in disgust. Hating how big i looked, Its not until afterwards, now when im recovered i can look at those photos and see that i was far from overweight or fat. But at the time i didnt see that.... i would look in the mirror and see 101 things i hated about myself. I zoomed in on the small things i hated about myself as well as the bigger things i hated about myself.
  The truth is... everyone can look in the mirror and say 10 things they hate about themselves, infact im sure the list of things you see as flaws (though they arent, i promise. Doesnt matter whether they are scars, burn marks, beauty marks, spots etc... they make you YOU. They make you unique and nothing you should be ashamed about or see as a flaw. ) But it takes courage and strength to say atleast 3 things you love about yourself.
  This is something many people struggle with. They focus on the negatives and have to stand and think for 30 minutes before they can come up with a positive about themselves.

But this is exactly what you need to do. For me in recovery... i avoided mirrors as often as i could. Whenever i looked in the mirror i just thought negative thoughts. I tried to focus on other things apart from my body. And that helped me to stop thinking so negatively about myself and my body...
  Also, i started my actual recovery and weight gain in the summer, so i did spend time in a bikini. Which was awful at first but i didnt want to sit hiding away. I also got to see so many different body shapes... tall people and short people, skinny people and 'fat' (sorry) people.... so many different shapes and sizes. Everyone different, everyone unique.
  Im the type of person who often sees the good in everyone else, who can look at someone and instantly see 10 good things about them. (Though when i was very sick i had a period where i thought negative thoughts about everyone and everything. Critisized other peoples bodies because i wasnt happy with my own).  But i began seeing the good in everyone else and soon realised, i had to see the good in me as well. I had to see my positives... why do i look down on myself, hate myself, tell myself im fat, whilst i can look at others and just think how great they look, no matter what shape or size.
   It also helped me to realise that people look different, there will ALWAYS be someone skinnier than you, just like there will ALWAYS be someone bigger than you. Some people are taller than you, others are shorter than you.
  But ask yourself... what is so important about being skinnier than someone else? It really doesnt make a difference, it wont make you happier, it wont make you a better person, it wont make you smarter... it wont make you anything. Just skinnier than someone... just like someone else might have longer hair than you, or bigger feet than you. Its NOT a competition.
  You can be/look like a skeleton when you are in a grave.... you have plenty of time for that, so why look like a skeleton when you are alive?

With comparing yourself to others, you have to first learn to love yourself. See yourself for how you truly look.... if mirrors or photos trigger you. Just avoid them. Instead say or write down 3-5 good things about yourself EVERYDAY. Even if you repeat the same things, just do that.
  Many people struggle with this... they cant seem to do it. But its a good exercise to do to learn to love yourself... soon you will be able to say 5 or 10 good things about yourself, just like that. And NOT feel bad about saying them. Because what is so bad about loving yourself? People who think you are silly or vain or egoistic for loving yourself or being able to say good things about yourself are just jealous and have low self esteem.
  
You need to realise that the way you look IS NOT a competition. DONT compare yourself to everyone around you... it takes too much energy out of your life. Too many thoughts on body shape, on who is skinniest, who has skinniest legs or biggest arms.. its tiring. Its not a way to live.
   You need to stop focusing on body shape, but focus on other things... such as being happy. Living life, spending time with friends.

Because in the end, if you spend 99% of your time, energy and thoughts on your body shape and others body shapes you wont truly be happy. You need to let go of the obsessive body thoughts and learn to just live life and be happy. Think positive thoughts and other thoughts.

It can also help to talk about your thoughts or write them down... to get advice on how to cope with the thoughts of comparing.
  Each time you look at a photo of someone else, or look at someone else and begin to compare yourself, then STOP. Take a deep breath and begin telling yourself 5 reasons why you shouldnt compare yourself to that other person and why you are perfect just the way you are.

If you need more advice on this subject, please let me know :)

How to cope during a bad body image day

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DURING A BAD BODY-IMAGE DAY:

1. Recognize that fat isn’t a feeling.

There are always underlying emotions that we attach to feeling fat.When the “I feel fat” thoughts start up, try to identify what you’re feeling underneath the body dissatisfaction. Are you feeling lonely? Anxious? Invisible? Scared? Ashamed? Inadequate? Whatever the feelings are, recognize that they are separate from your body. 

2. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

Because it’s difficult to be kind to ourselves in the moment when the body-hating thoughts take over, try responding to your thoughts as if you were supporting a friend. What would you say to someone you loved who was battling your same struggle with body-image?

You wouldn’t tell them to not eat for the day in order to compensate for what they ate the previous night. You wouldn’t tell them to punish themselves for their body size through over-exercise, self-harm, or abusive eating habits. You wouldn’t tell them that they were worthless or unloveable because of their weight. So, why do you tell yourself these things? Break the cycle and start treating yourself like a friend— you deserve that kindness and love from everyone, especially yourself. 

3. Recognize that you are so much more than the size of your body. 

What you look like does not define you. It doesn’t discount your worth as a human being. You are so much more than a number on the scale. As a living, breathing, feeling human being you have inherent value. You are special and important and loved. You exist, and therefore, you matter.

Your appearance is such a small part of who you are, and it certainly doesn’t warrant enough power to discount the person that you are inside. You aren’t your body or your weight— you are your goals and dreams and passions and values. You are your strengths and talents and insight. You are a soul and a spirit and a force of nature. Your body does not define you. 

4. Shift your focus from the external to the internal.

Make a list of all of the people whom you look up to and are inspired by— not because of their weight or appearance, but because of who they are and what they do. Write out all of the qualities that they have that make you appreciate and value them.

Use the list as a reminder that it’s the internal things— our dreams and passions and goals and morals and insight and character— that truly define who we are and draw people to us; not how we look.

You are no exception to this. Try making your own list of things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with appearance or body size. If you have a difficult time creating one, ask some friends and family to help you. 

5. Think about what you want to be remembered for after you die.

I don’t want people to remember me for what I looked like, what size jeans I wore, or what I weighed. I want to be remembered for the person that I am. I want to be remembered as someone who brought about positive change in the world. I want to be remembered as a loving friend, partner, and family member. I want to be remembered for my passions and my creativity and my strength. I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference. What do you want your legacy to be? Chances are, it doesn’t have to do with weight.

6. Instead of focusing on the size of your body, start focusing on what your body allows you to do. 

The human body is an incredible force. When we get caught up in the number on the scale and size of clothes, however, we forget just how lucky we are to have a fully-functioning vehicle with which to engage in life. So, stop hating your body for the way that it looks, and start acknowledging and appreciating your body for all that it allows you to do.

Make a list of each activity and feat your body helps you to partake in and accomplish. If you want to be even more specific, list out each body part and describe all the things that you wouldn’t be able to do without them. Your body is strong, powerful, and beautiful, regardless of its size. Choose to treat it with love, compassion, and gratitude instead of hate and judgement. 

7. Challenge your negative thoughts.

You may not be able to change the way that you feel about your body today, tomorrow, or a month from now, but you can begin the process by challenging the thoughts in the moment. Write out a dialogue between your negative voice and a healthy voice. If you have a hard time coming up with positive counters to the negative thoughts, pretend that you are speaking positively about a friend or loved one.

Even if you don’t believe the things that you say to counter the voice, it’s still important to speak out against it, because each time you argue with the thoughts, you are taking away some of their power and reclaiming your own. The more that you challenge the thoughts, the less that you will believe them. The more that you argue back, the easier that fighting the voice will become. 

8. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

There is a lot of built-up energy and emotion underlying the way that we feel about our bodies. Holding in how we feel or engaging in behaviors to numb out may make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it doesn’t remedy the pain that we feel. It doesn’t make us feel better, and it keeps us stuck.  

Releasing the energy and painful emotions underlying our body-shame requires us to feel our feelings. Whether that means throwing a tantrum on the floor, venting to a friend on the phone, punching a pillow, screaming in your car, or crying in bed, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Let go of the judgement that you have about what you feel, and recognize that you are feeling these things for a reason. Give yourself permission to release your emotions and let everything out. 

9. Do self-care.

When you’re struggling with body-image, distract yourself with healthy coping mechanisms. Take a bubble bath, get a message, ask for a back scratch, cuddle with a pet, make plans with a supportive friend, watch your favorite movie, get a manicure, listening to calming music, do deep breathing— whatever it is, make sure that it’s something self-soothing and helps you get out of your head.

10. Be kind with yourself.

You may not be able to control the way that you feel about your body, but you can control what you do in response to how you feel.

Instead of beating yourself up, you can choose to treat yourself with compassion. Instead of engaging in unhealthy and abusive behaviors, you can choose to do self-care. Instead of treating your body as an enemy, you can choose to treat it as a friend. Instead of isolating yourself, you can choose to reach out for support and surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved and accepted. Instead of agreeing with the negative thoughts, you can choose to challenge them. 

***You have more power than you think—don’t let the way that you feel about your body keep you from living.

Coping with bad body-image days may not be easy, but it is possible.

Don’t give up.

You aren’t alone.

Things can and will get better.

Recovery, fat/weight gain & exercise

Since posting the pictures of me in my sports bra, my inbox has overflown with messages of how i got my body to look the way it does... how i got my stomach so toned. But also so many people telling me that they abuse exercise trying to shape their body and keep from gaining fat. Gaining fat seems to be the worst thing possible for so many people. All they want is their flat stomach and abs.

Lets begin with 1) I am ME. I look the way i do due to genetics, having CF and what i eat how i exercise. You could do the exact same thing as me, but you still wouldnt look like me.

2) I am a healthy weight, a healthy body size, a healthy BMI and have a healthy mind.

3) I began exercising - with short walks - when i was 2-3kg away from my goal weight. I did get into some bad exercise habits after a while as i didnt know how to workout and wasnt really listening to my body so began over doing it with cardio and eventually burnt out. Then i changed my ways and in the beginning of this year i began strength training and focusing on that. But you can read my exercise journey HERE & HERE and how i built up strength


The first thing to remember is that your body NEEDS fat. It is essential... you cant go your whole life scared of fat. You need to face those fears. Ask yourself EXACTLY what is it about having fat on your body or gaining fat that is so scary?
   Everyone has fat on their body and without it, you feel cold, your body grows extra hair, you feel tired as all energy goes to trying to keep you warm.
  I also get alot of people telling me they strengt train just so that they dont gain fat and this is WRONG. You should strength train to get stronger and because you enjoy it... not just so that you dont gain fat. But also, its extremely hard to just gain muscle without gaining fat. It doesnt work that way... and when you dont eat enough and just strength train and do lots of cardio, you break down your muscles and you dont get stronger you just get weaker.
Post: Why i strength train & gaining weight while strength training

To combat your fear of fat and fat phobia here are some posts that can help you:

People are more scared of having fat than dying
Fat is not a feeling
Fat phobia
How to get past the fat feelings


You need to realise that exercising and trying to change your body WILL NOT bring you happiness, it WONT fix your bad body image issues. Instead, you need to face whats in your head:
Fixing your attitude instead of your flaws (post) Dont focus on what you need to change on your body, focus on changing whats in your head.


If you struggle with over exercising HERE is a master post of posts whcih can help you.
HERE is a replacement method for exercise in recovery (Coping with no exercise)


And here are some posts which ive written my thoughts about abs and my body which seem to have gotten alot of readers and likes.
My thoughts: Abs
Genetics or hard work

I know this post was just a bunch of links to other posts but instead of writing everuything out again (because as you can see ive already written so much about these topics, i thought reading the older posts might help you!).
 
You need to realise that
 1) Your body NEEDS fat.
2) Having fat on your body doesnt make you ugly/lazy/unpretty or any other things. It makes you YOU and healthy.
 3) You need to fix your attitude and thoughts towards your body instead of fixing your body.
 4) Dont compare yourself to others.
5) Exercise because you enjoy it not because you want to change your body. If you dont like exercise, thats fine. Then dont :)

What ive put my body through

Yesterday i began thinking, im only X years old but ive already put my body through so much. Both on the outside and in the inside it has has to endure alot... sometimes i wonder how my bones are still strong and my body isnt still covered in scars.
   But the body is quiite amazing how it repaires itsself after so much damage. Some damage however is irreversable.... some things your body cant fix.

You might not be thinking about these things right now, but someday you might. Someday you will regret all those years of purging because they have eroded your teeth so much, has caused you permanent acid reflux and for some they cant even eat solid food or alot of food at once because it just comes back up again. The metabolism so ruined.
  You might end up in hospital with organ failure, dehydratation or in the worst case cardiac arrest. Your heart not being able to cope with everything its being put through.

You have one body, that is all you will ever have. You may be able to change your outsides with plastic surgery, different operations or through food and exercise. But your insides... its those that matter. All the hours exercise you do just to try to get a flat stomach, that wont matter when you suddenly develop adrenal fatigue/exhausation or you collapse or even die from all the stress the exercise puts on your body.
   Those laxatives you took to keep you from 'gaining' weight or to help with the anxiety of eating. They wont be needed when you can no longer 'keep it in' or your digestive system is so ruined that you cant digest solid food.
  The alcohol, pills or overdosing wont seem like such a good idea to numb the pain when you get liver failure or other organ damage.

Somethings your body can fix such as malnutrition,thinning hair, weak bones, muscle loss etc but those all require enough food and energy so that your body can repair itsself. Somethings like damage to the digestive system, Organ damage or failure... those are things which your body wont be able to fix.

Stop focusing so much on the outside and how your body looks, instead focus on the inside and how your body feels.

Its not until its too late that you will miss what you had

This morning i was reading this post: What the dying really regret about dying patients, and people who had cancer and the thing they missed most was their body. They regreted all the years they were displeased with their body or took their body for granted.
  But now it was too late... they cant go back to their old bodies. Spend hours dancing like they used to or have energy to go walking or other things they used to do.
 
So many people hate their bodies, want to change every little detail about their body... just focusing on the outside but forgetting the real reason we have a body. So that we can live... so that we can move.
  If we were meant to have thigh gaps, super flat stomachs and tiny arms... then that is what everybody would have. And everyone would be healthy looking that way.. but that is not how we are built. Humans are built to have bones, muscles, skin and fat. They all serve a purpose. We are supposed to move our body, have energy to go running - go hunting in forests. Our muscles help us lift heavy things, carry things, not be weak. Our bones are supposed to be strong to keep us standing tall and to keep us from breaking. Our skin covers our body to keep all our organs inside and fat is our protection and heat system. Fat is an essential part of our body.
  Just like the food we eat - carbs to give us energy, protein to keep us strong and healthy fats to give our brain and cells eneergy and to keep everything functioning in the body.
  Even our metabolism plays a very important role... it speeds up when you are more active or eat more... it uses more energy and makes you more hungry so that you eat enough when you are active. I.e the hunger and fullness feelings,. But also, when the body knows that it isnt getting enough energy... it goes into starvation mode. It wants to keep the body alive so some processes in the body are stopped or slowed down... they are seen as unnecessary energy expenditures. Thats why your hair becomes thing, you become cold and your hands and feet can turn blue/purple and be cold all the time... the circulation to your feet and hands slow down. And your hair, nails, teeth and bones arent getting the calcium, nutrients or energy to grow properly.
  When you are in starvation mode your body holds onto food and fat... keeping your protected. As well as making you more tired because 1)you arent getting the proper energy but also 2) your body doesnt want you to move as much. It wants you to just rest and not use so much energy when it knows that you arent getting the right energy to sustain your movement.

Your body is smart, SO MANY processes and different things are happening in your body every second... millions of things happening every second. And they all happen to KEEP YOU ALIVE. Think, when you get a virus your immune system fights to keep you healthy. It makes you tired and weak so that you can just rest and your body can fight the virus.
  Everything is in tune, working like a clock, everything has a role to play.

But what do you do? Well... you let your mind trick you and all you see is the outside. Your appearance. Not even caring about your insides... about your organs or your inner health. All you focus on is that your thighs are too big or you have fat on your arms or your hips? But in the end.... WHO CARES. Seriously... what does that matter?
  When you are dead, when you are in a grave... then you can be skin and bones. But WHY are you wasting your life trying to look like a skeleton? Scared of food... scared of fat on your body? Everyone has fat on their bodies, everyone needs fat on their bodies.

Stop focusing so much on your appearance or your goal body. Forget about those. Instead focus on inner health, on inner balance and peace. Focus on mental health....Why waste your life hating your body because one day you will end up without a body anyway.
  Why not use your body the way its meant to be used.... move your body (i.e when you are a healthy enough weight to do it!), laugh, eat delicious food (yes, your body can cope and handle all types of food!), hug people, smile, be nice to other people, rest and sleep, drink lots of water... find balance and peace.

There is more to life than your appearance. Of course being happy in your body is also important... liking the way you look. But health... innner health and mental health are so much more important than whether you have a flat stomach or not.
  If you dont like the way you look then change your thoughts instead of your body... happines wont come from losing 3kg or losing 10kg. Instead you need to work on your thoughts, on loving your body.
Change your thoughts not your body (my previous post)