Dealing with physical problems from your eating disoder - answer

Has anyone on here, either Izzy or her readers experienced physical health problems alongside their ED? And if so do they resolve themselves/get better as recovery progresses or are you left with lasting, long term problems?
I ask because this is my second attempt at recovery from my Ed. The first time even though I had ED I was generally well in myself, apart from thinning hair problems and sleep problems - but I had energy to get on with things. When I was almost weight restored I relapsed back down to my pre - recovery weight due to I believe just not being mentally "restored", I wasn't prepared or expecting that side of recovery, I was so busy concentrating on refeeding and getting weight restored that I neglected the physcological side. This time round, thanks mainly to this blog and more further reading I am more prepared and determined this time to do it "properly". The thing is its so much harder this time as I feel so sick and unwell. This saps my spirit somewhat as I thought recovery was when you began to feel better, not worse! And I have a stack of health problems to cope with too which I didn't have before. It would be nice to know if others have experienced problems too and whether or not they lasted post-recovery. Such a lot is written about how to recover but very little when it comes to physical effects of ED.
I would be so grateful for any advice given. Thank you xxx


First off, i am so glad that you are choosing to recover and to focus on both the physical and mental side of recovery! Its not easy, but it is worth it.

And recovery DOES get easier over time... and recovery does make life better even if life wont always be positive and wonderful, it will at least be better than if you went through the same situations but having to deal with your eating disorder as well. Even if recovery does make life easier there will still be tough times and recovery definitely isn't always easy, there will be times you wonder why you are even trying when things seem to feel worse with the anxiety, guilt or just hormonal imbalance or other problems, but over time many of those problems can get better.

When you have an eating disorder you end up breaking down your body when you aren't eating properly and that has consequences. And of course the longer you are sick the more damage you do to your body... and its damage you don't always see until its too late. I was told when i was in recovery that i was in a risk for osteoporosis because i had eaten so little, however with proper nutrition i was able to reverse that and now i have strong and healthy bones. I also had electrolyte imbalance where i was at a risk for a heart attack because i had so little potassium as well as purging so often, but once i began eating regularly and not purging that was able to fix itself.

But then there are other problems such as constant heart burn, slight incontinence, hip, back and knee problems from over exercising which still affect me today.  Not to mention all the hormonal imbalance i had... mood swings, irritation, extreme tiredness, couldn't always trust my bodies signals and my period was irregular for a very long time (i.e 1 year +) where i would either get it once every 2 months or 2 times in a month, and that was rather difficult to deal with. But that's better now and also my hormones are more under control now as well!

During recovery i had other problems such as lots of bloating, indigestion, rumination syndrome (i.e food would automatically come back up without even trying and this lasted quite a long time to be honest but over time it stopped when i didn't purge anymore),thin hair and even swelling... at one time when i was in inpatient care my feet began to swell like crazy... I'm pretty sure the pictures are on another hard drive but it was crazy. I was accused of exercising or doing something wrong, but i think it was just something in my diet and the warm weather at the time and the lack of movement i was doing so the doctor wanted me to start doing leg movements and walking to get rid of the water but instead i just had to try to keep my legs elevated and over time the swelling passed... but i was rather swelled and bloated in recovery - which eventually passed. 

I know it can seem awful when you are eating better and trying to face fears and really recover and you just end up with bloating pain, more tiredness, maybe hair that still falls out or indigestion issues but SOME problems do get better over time. With regular eating and the right nutrition then digestion problems and nutrient deficiency problems can get better, even if it doesn't automatically get better. Other problems are more long lasting and unfortunately that's just the way it is.... you have to remember that an eating disorder breaks down your body... inner damage is done and some damage is irreversible, but at times when that gets you down you have to remember that if you stay sick the damage will be worse. Instead by recovering and feeding your body right and taking care of your body maybe you can stop the damage from getting worse and in some cases the problems can go away/get better as well.

You have to remember all the positives about recovery and why you want to recover, and also remember that if you are stuck with long lasting consequences (i sure am) then that's just a reminder of why you don't want to go back and why taking care of your body is so important!! Give recovery time, it does take longer for things to get better than you think but in a years time you will look back and realise how far you have come and how things have gotten much better - hopefully!

And don't forget that if you do have different problems you can go to doctors  or specialists for advice and maybe if they cant fix the problem they can at least give advice on how to make it better!

Recovery is worth it, never forget that!!

You will never feel ready for recovery - and even if you do there will still be tough times

When it comes to recovery you often never feel ready.... there is still something holding you back. You might reach the stage where you really, really, dont want to be sick anymore. You reach the stage where you know you need help and to get better but still there is something holding your back... and that is your illness.

The thing about recovery is that there is no "perfect time" to recover. Its not after your exams, its not during the summer holidays, its not after a work project, its not after a race.... the time to recover is now. Waiting to seek treatment, waiting to ask for help, waiting to get medication or waiting to recover is just "procrastinating" and wasting your own life.

Recovery wont always be easy. There will be times that you wonder why you are doing what you are doing... why are you doing all these things that cause so much anxiety. Why are you recovering when everything just feels tougher and harder and there seem to be no positive results. Why are you recovering when it is so extremely painful and tough and being sick seems *easier*. There will be times when recovery doesnt seem worth it... but you need to keep going nonetheless, it sure doesnt get easier by giving up. And if you do relapse, eventually your eating disorder will kill you/make you have a rather horrible life/ or you will need to get back on to recovering.

Recovery can often be just about going through the motions.... eating even if you arent hungry. When you are in recovery and have a meal plan to follow you just need to eat whether you are hungry or not. And if you really really cant eat due to stomach issues or what not, then you need to find another way to get those calories into you whether its through a smoothie, milkshake or eating lots of nuts or nut butters. Recovery is about doing the things you might not want to do and facing fears even if you would prefer not to.... you dont really have a choice. But also you have to remember WHY you are recovering... Why do you want your life back? Why do you want your health back? Why do you want to be free? How will recovery help you? Why are you recovering? Recovery isnt for anyone else, it is for you.... it is to be able to live life again, feel happy again, be able to create and live your life and not be held back by an illness. But also because eating disorders kill.... they have one of the highest mortality rates of mental illnesses, so without treatment your eating disorder can lead you to an early death.

Of course you cant just go through the motions all of recovery - you do also need to get to the root of the problem and change your thoughts. Because sure, while you are in treatment you can be forced to eat your 6 meals... but if you dont understand WHY you need to eat, if you dont make the choice to eat and realise you need to eat, then when you get back home again you will just resort to old habits. So even if someone can force you to eat or to rest or to talk about your problems, if you dont actually want to eat and rest and realise why you have to do it, or dont do something about the actual problems then recovery wont last because its just "following the plan/actions". It is about a mental change and willing to change to live a better life.

Remember that you cant recover while still holding onto the same old negative routines and habits. They may be comforting to you, but all those small things you do or those routines and habits that are because of your eating disorder... you need to change them in recocvery. You cant move on if you are still holding onto the past. All the sick behaviour and thoughts need to be changed to fully recover.

Understand WHY you need to recover. Make the choice to recover. But also remmeber that not everday is easy even if you are motivated to recover, but also there is no perfect time to recover..... the perfect time is right now.

You mess up your previous meal? Well make sure to eat your next meal right.
You purged a meal? Make sure that the next meal you dont.
You didnt eat as much as you were supposed to? Make sure that your next meal you eat the amount you should.
You binged and over ate? Make sure that you next meal is the right amount.

Dont wait until the next day or next week, instead get back onto recovery straight away.... of course its easier said than done, but thats the way through the hell of an eating disorder.

There are no shortcuts in recovery. There is no compensation in recovery. There is no quick fix to recovery.


Its tough, its hard, its anxiety and guilt filled, but it is so worth it when you are finally free. 

Eating more carbohydrates or more healthy fats?

One of the most frequently asked questions i get on my social media is How to eat fear foods or how to eat more carbohydrates or increase fat intake.

I wish there was some awesome tips or magic advice i can give you but when it comes to fear foods or increasing calories the only thing you can do is to just do it. The fear wont go away by itself, it wont get easier if you dont face the fear. The worries, "what ifs", anxiety and guilt will still be there in your mind until you begin to face the fear that holds you back.

The cake or the chocolate or the pasta bowl will still always be scary until you try it... and try it again and keep trying to eat that food until it no longer gives you guilt or anxiety.  Its not enough to try a fear food once, you need to do it until it no longer gives you guilt or makes you worry about eating the food.

The first time you try a fear food maybe you just manage one bite, or maybe just one potatoe or half a banana, but the next time maybe you manage more and the time after that even more. Its a process and you have to start somewhere.

You also have to remember that the fear is irrational....  ask yourself why are those foods scary? Or why are carbohydrates scary or something you need to avoid? Why dont you eat enough healthy fats?

If you were to listen to all the headlines and articles about what to eat or not eat you would be left with just air.... and even in some countries the headlines are to not breathe too much air outside because its so polluted and the polluted air can apparently lead to weight gain..... so then you are left with sunlight and nonpolluted water if you were to listen to every headline about what to eat or not to eat.

Increasing calories and eating foods that scare you is just something you need to do. Sure you can live your whole life just eating safe foods, but i can tell you that it wont be a fun life and you will feel restricted and food will always be something that leads to guilt and anxiety and not something you can enjoy and relax.

Try to think rational about food. Food is energy, you need food and you need alll the macro and micronutrients. And chocolate, cake, cookies, buns... they can all be part of a healthy diet. Its all about the balance.

But also if you are binging on certain foods..... for example if you have been so strict with what you eat that it suddenly goes the other way where you cant stop eating then you need to find the balance as well.  If you are binging on food then the best thing is to find out WHY you are binging and what you can do to solve the actual problems (if you search my blog for binging/bulimia you will find many helpful posts about this topic), and then to realise that its ok to eat 2 cookies or a slice of cake or 2 sandwiches... you dont need to eat the whole package of cookies or the whole loaf of bread at once. Then its about finding balance and moderation and being ok with eating just a little... no black and white thinking.


It does get easier in time with food. The more you try to face the fear foods and not let food control you or have power over you, the easier it gets.

Imagine... if you were to face 1 fear food each week, in a year that would be 52 new foods? Hopefully you dont even have 52 fear foods, but maybe that includes eating out, going to the cinema, going to cafes, travelling and eating away from home, letting others prepare your food for you, eating without measuring, eating more than on a meal plan, eating the food you bake and cook etc etc


Keep trying and dont give up. Dare to try new foods and know that the anxiety wont harm you and neither will the food.

Also if you search my blog for "facing fear foods" or "fear foods" i have many posts about this topic such as how to cope and what to think about etc which might be helpful!!

What made me want to recover? Going to a therapist?

Did you talk to any therapists while recovering? What do you think was the biggest thing that made you realised that you want to be healthy?

Yes, over the course of 2 years when i went to different treatment centres i have talked to 4 different therapists, and they all said the same thing "they cant help me", or "come back when im ready to talk." I didnt like any of the therapists i met, however that might have been because i didnt want help, i didnt talk or say anything. I would sit and wait for the time to be up. The only things i ever really said was "i am not sick" or "i dont need help"... and maybe some other things, but very little was said and i didnt open up or accept the help, so of course a therapist couldnt help me. I do personally recommend therapy to others as i believe it works well, but it only works if you open up and talk and recieve help. I never wanted advice or help or to talk - but i am pretty sure it would have done me good. But instead i stuck to blogging to express my thoughts and emotions and that also worked well :)



One of my biggest motivators to become healthy was my sister. I wanted to live a life like her... to be in school, to have friends, to have a boyfriend, to workout... to eat what i was hungry and stop when i was full, to be happy and live life. Of course that doesnt mean that my sister has had an easy life, infact me being sick has effected her in so many ways and it wasnt easy for her. But i always say her life as easy and a life i wanted as well. 
I remember rather clearly (one of the few clear memories i have from my time at Mando - the rest is a blur ) sitting in the sofa in the day room after my 4th (?) time as an inpatient at Mando and i was so mentally and physically exhausted. My whole body ached, my mind was slow and tired and i sat there and just thought "How strange is it that all of us sitting here are here because we dont want to eat. Something that pretty much everyone else loves to do." (Of course, maybe not in that exact phrase!), but also i realised... for the past year i had just been in hospital because i didnt want to eat. I realised that i could sit in hospital, skinny and refusing to eat, or i could be out living life and having a heavier weight. I just thought to myself, I hate myself now and hate how i look now so what does it really matter. 

"Freedom" and "dont let the sadness of your past or the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present" are 2 of my 5 tattoos that mean so much to me and about my past!

My motivation to recover was to have a life.... to be a teenager, not spend even more time in hospital and wasting my life. I wanted freedom, i wanted to live life even if life scared me incredbly. I wanted to be "just like everyone else", because all my life i had always been the "sick one" and i didnt want that anymore. 

Of course motivation to actually recover wavered up and down and living life wasnt always a motivation... but it was just to take each day as it came and try to focus on the positives of recovery and how my life was getting better and all the things i could do as i got healthier. Somedays all i did was survive, otherdays i lived. I did also relapse during 2012 - when my recovery motivation just wasnt strong enough - but eventually i found my strength and motivation again and kept fighting! 

For me, life and reaching my goals and dreams has always been my motivation to keep going. But also my dog... during the darkest of times, both during my eating disorder and last year with my depression, the only thing that kept me alive was my dog. I felt like i had given up on everything and nothing seemed worth it, but when i thought about leaving my dog and never seeing my dog again i felt like i couldnt do that, but also my blog has always been a motivation for me. Knowing i am helping people, and i remember during my relapse in 2012 (which i never wrote about back then) i just thought i cant let my readers down. I have to show im strong, i have to inspire others, and my blog helped me back on track again as well as having readers who called me out on my bullshit, hahaha. 



A long post, but i would love to know YOUR motivation for recovery? Is it life, family, friends, YOURSELF (the most important one!), school.... Share your motivation recovery to inspire others :)

What is the worst thing about weight gain? Ask yourself why weight gain scares you?

In recovery you need to try to think rationally because your eating disorder is very irritational. Your eating disorder can make you scared of things which really you shouldn't be scared of, and you think irrationally around food. Because deep down inside you know that the food you are going to eat won't suddenly make you gain weight or won't suddenly turn to a clump on your stomach.

You need to ask yourself what is the worst thing about gaining weight, or what is it that scares you and is holding you back? Because it's not actual weight gain it's what you think might happen when you gain weight or the things connected with weight gain.  But you need to sit down and try to think rationally about weight gain and food and see the positives of those things. Your eating disorder is trying to kill you, is controlling your life and thoughts and won't lead to anything positive.  But you need to try to find yourself and the rational part of yourself who can think clearly.

Ask yourself why can others eat freely or somewhat freely and carelessly and you can't?

What will happen if you eat more or gain weight? Why would it be negative or positive?

Food is not the enemy, your eating disorder is. But with all fears whether it's mental illness related or just life related, you need to try to think rationally about those fears and try to come to a solution. You can't let fears hold you back and when it comes to eating disorders the fear of weight gain is a very irrational one. Weightless won't make you happier or smarter or more confident or prettier or any of those things,just like weight gain won't make you less pretty or less smart or less happy etc weight gain can however give better energy levels, better nutrition (hopefully!), better concentration and a healthier body!

However facing fears isn't just the theoretical and thinking rationally because in the end you need to face the fears. You need to do the thing that scares you, to prove to yourself what you can and that it's not as scary as you thought.  The anxiety and the what ifs beforehand are usually what hold you back,but once toy face the fear you realise it's not as bad as you thought and that you can face it again!  But also think, if others can do it... so can I!!!

Remember that food is your medicine and that to be healthy and free you need to face the fears that hold you back!

Best thing about eating disorder recovery

So what would you say was the best thing(s) about recovery?

There are SO MANY positive and good things about recovery and i am pretty sure i will end up missing a few in the list below. All these positives come at different times and are based on how far into recovery you are or whether you are fully recovered or not, for example you might not feel the "freedom" that you get if you are still in half recovery but you might notice things like more energy or happier or able to concentrate better!!

I thought i would list the positives of being recovered, and if you know anymore or if you want to add YOUR positives that you have noticed in recovery/from being recovered, then comment below!!

(these are in no particular order!)

More energy! Of course how much energy you have is dependant on so many things such as stress, how much you have slept, how much you have eaten, hormones etc But from now compared to when i had an eating disorder or was struggling with depression i have so much more energy to live life!

Motivation to live and motivation to do things in life.  When you are sick and lose energy you can also lose life motivation and things that were fun arent so fun anymore, but with recovery intests and hobbies come back or change, but you find a motivation to want to live and to find things fun again!

Feeling happy. Being able to smile and not feel bad about it!

Thinking positive. When you are malnourished or have alot of negative thoughts or no life motivation then its almost impossible to see any positives with life, but as you begin to nourish your body you also begin to think differently and its easier to be happier and think more positive as hormones begin to regulate and balance in the body.

Stronger body. More capable to do things in life and a weak body doesnt hold me back from doing the things you want. Yyou can hike, run, walk, climb, work, be active!

More concentration. While i was sick i couldnt study or even read a book due to lack of concentration, but now with proper nourishment and no obsessive food thoughts that take up all of my time, i can study and concentrate!

Better hair, skin and nails. With lack of nutrients and malnourishment your hair, skin and nails (which are all made of protein) begin to suffer as the protein for taking care of them is much better used to actually keep you alive, not to mention that vitamins and enough energy and vital to keep your hair, skin and nails strong and healthy!

Being able to live life and wanting to live life. This goes hand in hand with enough energy and thinking positive. Finding interests and hobbies and having goals and dreams that you look forward to.

Food doesnt control you/its part of your life, not your whole life. If oyu fully recover and begin to focus more on life, food becomes less intrusive in your thoughts and doesnt play such a huge role in your life.Instead you eat because its tasty and you need it and you find balance with food but its not your whole life.

Exercise can be done due to enjoyment and not self punishment or compulsion. 

Food isnt seen as numbers, but as what  you like and want to eat and what you dont like and dont want to eat. And food doesnt cause guilt.

Food doesnt hold you back in life. For example, whether you say yes or no to going to events isnt based on whether there is food or eating involved. Or if people suggest to go out and eat you dont say no because there is food involed, instead you look forward to spending time with friends or family or partner etc

Being able to take naps and rest and listen to your body. When i was sick i barely let myself sleep 6 hours during the night and would never let myself rest or sit during the days if i wasnt forced to. So part of recoery was learning to listen to my body and to allow myself to rest and sit and relax - and now thats a huge part of my day and no guilt! If you are tired you should sleep/rest!

Loving and appreciating your body, feeling good in your body! This comes from change of mindset and working towards more positive body thoughts and body love. But the best feeling is being able to love your body, and not feel self conscious or worry about your body, instead appreciate it for how it looks and what it can do!!!

Learning to love yourself and not compare yourself to others. Knowing that everyone is different, everyone looks different, everyone has different talents, but that everyone is amazing nonetheless - variation and difference is what makes people unique!

There are so many positives with recovery... but of course the positives depend on whether you actually recover or whether you actively try to change your thoughts and face your fears. Body love and less food obsessed thoughts and healthier relationship with exercise - none of those things come just from eating, they come from changing your thoughts and facing fears! If you focus on makin your life better and wanting to recover you will notice the positive benefits!! Happier, healthier, not feeling cold all the time, not feeling tired all the time etc etc

Coping with depression . useful links and resources

Helpful Links:

• what is depression?
• types of depression
• types of bipolar disorders
• psychotic depression
• symptom checklist tool
• what to expect: being screened for depression by a doc
• common treatment options
• treatment for bipolar disorders
• can counselling actually help depression?
• how does cognitive behavioral therapy help depression?
• how to find a support group
• what to expect during counseling or therapy
• pros and cons of antidepressant medication
• dysthymia self help
• self help guide for depression
• coping with depression in pregnancy
• identifying barriers to recovery
• 17 foods to help fight depression
• vitamin deficiency and depression
• more depression self care
• weekly self care checklist
• emotion wheel
• antidepressant skills workbook
• beyondtheblues workbook for teens
• coping with depression workbook
• how to cope with overwhelming thoughts
• 6 self help and coping tips for depression
• 21 tips to keep your sh*t together when you’re depressed

Interactives:

• audioentrainment 
• coffee shop sounds
• depression recovery quotes
• disgruntle me
• disney and pixar movies
• dwd: dealing with depression
• emergency compliments
• moodgym
• nature sounds
• need a hug?
• neonflames
• nowmattersnow
• orisinal: cute free games
• planetarium
• rainymood
• student stories
• weavesilk art

Free Phone Apps:

• breathe2relax: android + iphone
• cbt self help guide: android
• meditationoasis: android + iphone
• mindshift: android + iphone
• operation reach out: android + iphone
• optimism: iphone
• t2 mood tracker: android + iphone

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