How often do i workout? My workout routine?

Recently i have been requested to write more about my exercise and workouts, as well as some people assuming i workout everyday or twice a day which is not the case. In all honesty, i dont even know how i would have the time to workout twice a day XD

If exercise or reading about exercise triggers you then just skip this post, but i thought i would answer for those who are interested.

The amount of times i workout in a week vary alot, all depending on my school schedule, my motivation and energy levels and whether i am sore or tired in my body. But generally i go to the gym 5 times a week (sometimes less, sometimes more) and take 2 days of rest where either i am just at school/home all day studying or take a short walk. My activitiy level is definitely alot less than it was before, mostly because there is alot of school work and just other things going on in my life and i dont priortize going to the gym first. But also if i have alot of anxiety or alot of things on my mind going to the gym doesnt help, instead going for a short walk (which of course is also exercise!), is what helps me the best then.

I dont have any workout goals, i just do it because its fun and gives me energy, but i have been thinking more about workout goals and i would love to run a half marathon in Gothenburg next year. However ive been having alot of hip and lower back pain as well as not the right support in my running shoes so i havent been able to do any long distance running... first i just need to get back into the swing of running 10km again before i start thinking about 21km, hahah.
 And recently i have been trying to get more into the base strength exercises and some crossfit inspired exercises. I dont have a plan i follow but i try to workout legs 2 times a week, deadlifts once, shoulders and back once a week and core two times a week, as i have realised that a strong core is such a benefit for life and posture and other exercises. And then i try to throw in some chest, bicep and tricep exercises every second week or so, hahaha.

I am the type of person who likes to do the things i am good at and find fun, so i often forget the things i am less good at because they arent as fun, such as working biceps and chest.... but at times that can be a problem because my back and shoulder muscles are alot stronger than my chest and just leads to an unbalance. So trying to remind myself to work on the things i amnt so good at!!

My strength workouts typically last 40-55minutes and usually i just do 3-4 exercises but alot of sets and that works for me now. But like i said, i dont follow a program and my goal isnt to build muscle, mostly i just want to feel myself getting stronger but most of all be more functionally capable. I want to be able to run and lift and do all sorts of things in life.

For example, yesterday when i was moving half of my stuff i was so thankful for the fact that i take care of my body and that i strength train because there was NO WAY i would have been able to carry all that stuff if i didnt strength train!! So thankful for my strong body - and that is exactly why i workout, to take care of my body and be able to do things in life. I mean whats so great about huge biceps or abs if you feel like collapsing while carrying a heavy bag up some stairs or when walking with heavy groceries home.


My goal at the moment is just to try to get back into running and i would love to do more crossfit type workouts as i love the mix of cardio and strength training!

Also about my cardio... well the only cardio i do at the moment is when i feel like going for a walk instead of the gym, and somedays i might walk to school (35 minutes), but otherwise no form of cardio. And i know i need to get back into some form of intervals or running for my CF health but due to wrong shoe support and hip pain i just havent been able to motivate myself to do that - but now my CF health care is definitely take the consequences of it.


Anyway, this post might be a little bit all over the place - but thats because its early morning when i  am writing this as well as having a headache. But if you have any questions leave them below and ill try my best to help or answer :)

I miss running, hahahah.... not so sure i can call myself a runner at the moment. XD

Exercising - learning what exercise is best for you

I was asked about how i learnt about strength training and learnt how to do the exercises as well as what worked for me, so i thought i would answer here and just some thoughts i have about exercising :)

I've always been active my whole life - doing yoga, going for walks, running, playing basketball, jumping on the trampoline. However that was pretty much all i knew, and i when i  first joined the gym after a while i realised that i didnt need to do 60 minutes of running or crosstrainer to call it a workout. Though at that time i stll struggled with balanace with my exercise, i was returning to a bit of a gym-cardio-rat and i did it because i thought i had to. (I can say that since i decided to stop doing so much cardio at the gym roughly 2-3 years ago i havent done more than 10 minutes on a crosstrainer, because each time i look at one i just think of all the hours i wasted on there. And with the treadmill, ill do my running and walking outside and now and again do HIIT on the treadmill. I think the only cardio machine i dont mind using is the stair master... but once again, i would rather be out running or walking or doing some form of circuits for my cardio. This is just my choice though, cardio machines at the gym can be great if you dont overuse them XD)

Anyway, when i first realised that there was more to cardio machines in a gym and that i could actually lift weights i was curious. And at first it took alot of courage for me to sign up to a circuit training class and then later on Bodypump. And i can say, going to those classes helped me alot. I learnt about different exercises for different muscle groups, i got to test my strength and realised that strength training was fun, but also i enjoyed the group atmosphere and the positivity! So i did those classes often...  but then i began doing them too often, where i would do 2 body pump per week, 2 circuit training per week and 2 cardio per week.. so basically a full body workout 6 times per week, and it was far too much.  And as i began to feel weaker and less motivation i stopped going to the classes and eventually found my way into the functional training room (which was meant for stretching and sort of a "girl area"). And then with the help of Google and Youtube i put together some workouts. Whenever i tried a new exercise i always did it when i was on my own as i didnt want anyone to see me incase i did it wrong... in the beginning i was very self conscious. I didnt know much about strength training and i didnt have an instructor either, i had to do all my research on my own. Which had its pros and cons.... I mean with the group classes i went to they didnt care so much about form, so when i did squats and deadlifts on my own in the beginning (i filmed myself back then) it was awful form!! My back was not straight, my head was looking up in deadlifts and i am just glad that i never used heavy weights back then.

But i continued doing online research, looking at videos and learnt the technique and began to feel more confident! So roughly a year after beginning to strength train i decided to go into the "Mens strength training area"... if you've been to a gym im sure you have realised that it is often divided in some way? Yup, terrifying for a newbie like me...and even if i felt more confident, i was so nervous the first time i went in there and my workout plan just sort of disappeared as i was nervous and i didnt want anyone to look at me and then telll me to get out as i was too skinny or that they would laugh at me trying to do my bicep curls with 6kg. But i pushed past that and realised that nobody really looked at me.... i mean i wasnt exactly new to the gym or strength training. And then i just felt more confident over time, learnt more, tried new exercises (and realised it was ok to mess up the first time or have to ask for help if necessary).

I would recommend asking a PT or instructor at the gym for help the first time. Or if you are trying an exercise or trying a squat or deadlift and there is somebody at the gym who looks like they know what they are doing.... ask for help. I've had to do it at the gym to see how my squat and deadlift form was, and i got a few pointers which was very helpful. I mean they are all people there, but just be wary of who you do ask for help.... some people arent always as knowledgable as they look!!

And if you want to strength train remember that form and technique before weight, ALWAYS. I have never been someone chasing weight so i have never injured myself at the gym, the times i have injured myself have been while doing other things. Also know that ITS ok to use light weights.... i mean on my off days or when i dont have as much energy i have to lower my weights and at first i thought it was kind of annoying because i would think "I am so much stronger than this... i can do deadlifts with double this weight", but i knew that if i increased the weight i would most likely injure myself as i just didnt have the energy.
   Try to not care what others think, just do YOUR thing.

And with reps and sets.... that all depends on your goal. Ive done high reps and low weight, low reps and high weight, supersets, trisets, circuits, 1000rep challenge. Ive done 13 exercises during a workout, and ive done 3 exercises during a workout, ive done short and intense 30 minute workouts and ive done long 2 hour workouts.... its all very different and as i dont follow a plan i just do the form i want to during the workout. Sometimes if i am low on energy ill do both low weight and few reps, it depends each day!

But enough about that, if you have any questions about this then you can just ask :) And instead below is just some exercise things i wanted to point out :)


I think many people fall into the trap of what "they should be exercising". If you see 101 posts about people at the gym and strength training then you think you need to do that as well. But you know what, you dont have to go to the gym to workout and you dont have to do strength training either. Of course strength training has alot of benefits and is recommended but you dont have to stand and do 10 x 4 bicep curls to strength train. You can do circuit training, body weight training, resistance training, function training, crossfit etc all of those are "strength" training as well!! But as mentioned, the gym is not the only place to workout. Yyou can go for walks, runs, cycle, do yoga, dance, swim, go ice skating or skiing in winter, go rollerblading or play tennis or badminton. You can do calisthenics or crossfit or lift weights at the gym or practise strongman. You can do home workouts or stretching or pilates or outside workouts or zumba or body pump or boxing or martial arts or horse riding.

So many different forms of working out.... and you know what, you DONT have to workout 6 days a week just because it seems like "everyone else" does. Aiming for 2-3 times a week is a great amount, and you dont have to force yourself to go to the gym and do something you hate, instead try different forms of exercise until you find what you enjoy! Dont try one form and then say you hate exercise, then you havent even given it a chance. Of course some people are more prone to like exercise and others arent. For example i hate fashion and make up and spending time on my hair and clothes... that does not interest me. But if i had the time and the money i would spend all my days exercising.... doing crossfit, wallclimbing, running, walking, at the gym, circuits etc If i could i would (and of course that would also mean that i had optimal nutrition and recovery time!). But some people find an hour of exercise 3 times a week tough, while i can do 2 hours 6 days a week and enjoy every moment of it.

So the best thing is to find what you enjoy, and forget what others are doing. The best is just to be active in some form that you enjoy, dont make it a chore, make it something you look forward to.

I can say, that i love how my sister is beginning to love working out, how she see's it as something that makes her happy and just a part of her day. Before working out wasnt something regular, but then when i joined the same gym as her and i did workouts together with her or acted as a PT to her she has began to love working out and she feels so much more confident and has seen and felt more progress and it makes me so happy to hear about it, how before exercise was done just because it was recommended and she knew it would be good for her, but now she enjoys it and i love hearing about her progress. But also how she does what SHE enjoys, i love strength training and using heavy weights, but she loves circuits and i am happy that she has found what she enjoys, that she didnt begin just standing infront of the mirror and lifting weights because that is what i enjoy. But also that she has gained the confidence to try new exercises and dare to go into the "mens weight room"!! Hahah, i just thought i would mention that, because it makes me so happy when i hear that people have found their form of exericse and they do the amount that fits into their life!!

Enough about this, it became such a long post. Instead, leave your comments if you have any questions or want me to write about something :)

Crossfit

Hi!

I wanted to ask you about the crossfit for a long time. What is really it? What are you doing? How long the trainings are? Can I do it if I am 14? Is ot really hard? Are there any crossfit competitions?

Crossfit is a type of functional exercising. Basically doing "normal" movements which you would use in everyday items, such as lifting items, pulling yourself up, lifting yourself up, lifting objects above your head etc Because i mean how often do you do bicep burls or dips or leg extensions in everyday life.... not often unless maybe you like to do bicep curls with grocery bags?

Crossfit involves strength, cardio, gymnastics, flexibility and it is aimed for everyone and that anyone of any health, weight or age can do it. Of course there are the elite and competetors within crossfit who train 4-6 hours a day and you cant compare yourself to them at all.

Crossfit is tough, i mean i am someone who has good cardiovascular health as well as being strong and somewhat flexible but some of the workouts are very tough. But they can always be adapted, i mean i couldnt do proper pull ups so i did assisted pull ups as well. And after 30 push ups (not in a row but maybe 5 or 10 in a row) i would have to do the rest on my knees etc But i think having sometype of exercise knowledge and background can be important before starting crossfit because there is a high injury risk if you dont really know what you are doing and dont listen to your body. Infact there was a girl who fainted during one of the crossfit workouts as she didnt listen to her body and take a break - and she hadnt eaten enough, but she kept pushing herself. They are high intensity and so it is important to listen to your body and if it is too tough, take a few moments to breathe.

If you enjoy intense but short workouts. Enjoy mixing cardiovascular exercises with strength training or enjoy group training and being pushed out of your comfort zone then i can recommend crossfit. HOWEVER,i think 14 is a little too young for it. Because even if you can adapt the weights to your own strength i think it might be a little too much. Most gyms have an age limit of 16 here in Sweden and i actually think that most crossfit boxes have an age limit of 18 here in Sweden, maybe 16....  But i would wait until you are atleast 16. And instead maybe work with resistance bands and body weight, that is great and you will have a great base strength :) Try doping circuits and such (if you are allowed to exercise) and that can give you an idea of HIIT and "WOD's!"

I just did a 4 week course where i did crossfit 2 times a week. I would have loved to get a membership and have looked at boxes where i am studying next year, however a membership is double or triple the amount of my gym card and i want a gym card as well so for now i'll just stick to my gym membership. But one day i will buy myself a crossfit membership as i enjoyed it alot. Its fun to have someone push me out of my comfort zone and to really challenge me as well as i enjoy the community and "group" like feeling where you cheer each other on!!

And the wods are anything from 10 minutes to 30 minutes. (But they are the most challenging 20 minutes you will do!!! After 5 minutes you dont want to keep going, at times... hahah. Some workouts are easier than others!) But it begins with warm up, technique practise and then a WOD and than afterwards you might want to practise more on some certain exercise if you still have energy :) But the crossfit athletes dont really do WOD's, they work more on specific exercises to improve on those. :)

When it comes to competitions, you need to train crossfit specifically and for quite a while as well as dedicating alot of your time towards it so its nothing i will ever consider :) Hahah ill stick to my races, but generally i dont like competing!

Also, Google Crossfit WOD's or Crossfit Games online and you will see more what crossfit is :)

How much cardio do i do? Do i enjoy it?

Recently i have been asked about how much cardio i do and whether i enjoy it or just do it because of my CF.

And i thought that now, after being out for an unexpectedly long and therapeutic walk, it would be a good time to answer. And all honesty, i will always be a cardio bunny. I love cardio and always will, though what type of cardio i enjoy varies and also how much i do. I used to run and play basketball when i was younger and because of my CF i do have to exercise each day (and even recommended twice a day and doing sports such as running and swimming). Strength training is still quite a new thing, though ive been doing it almost 3 years, but i would say that i am 50/50 regarding which i love most, strength training or cardio, i love both equally. But i am still the type of person who prefers to do super sets and tri sets rather than just doing one exercise and then resting a minute. I am also the type of person to do burpees inbetween exercises and prefer to do airsquats rather than 60kg squats.

You all know by now, i guess that i love running and that will always be something i love, though how often i do it all depends on different things. Sometimes i run 4-5 times a week and other times it goes weeks or months before i run. Sometimes i run between 7-21km several times a week and other times i just do 15 minutes of HIIT 2-3 times a week for a few weeks and other times i do powerwalks several times a week. It all depends on what i feel like doing, recently it has been more powerwalking and also using the stairclimber. The past few months i have found a passion for the stair climber... to just put my kindle infront of the screen and then stand there and "climb" while reading and the time just flies by, so this is a form of cardio i like doing alot though it definitely isnt as intense as HIIT or running. Though once again, how much cardio i do depends... sometimes i do an hour cardio everyday and sometimes it goes 2 weeks and the only cardio i do is walking to the gym. But i guess in a way i do cardio almost everyday as i usually walk to the gym as it is so close and also my warm up... and yes, i count that into my exercise... so if i walk 20 minutes to the gym and then do 50 minutes strength training, then it was a 70 minute workout.

I love doing cardio and love doing strength training and it can be hard to balance the two sometimes as i want to do both at once but instead i prefer to split it up such as either going for a long walk/run or going to the gym... not doing both in the same day, or dedicating an hour at the gym for cardio instead of doing strength training...  but i have found now that doing roughly 45 minutes strength training and ending with the stair master is a good way for me to do both.

I think cardio is great but remember that cardio isnt just running... there are so many different forms of cardio. And cardio is good for your body and it is NOT just for weightloss, but can actually be fun. However so many people associate cardio as a form of weightloss and so it as a chore, rather than an enjoyment... so whenever i do do cardio i enjoy it that is why i do it. If i dont enjoy it or dont feel like doing it, then i wont. Just like with walking places... if i dont feel like walking then i wont, it is not a must, but if you enjoy it, then do it.

Something which i dislike is all the hate which people get for enjoying cardio... i feel its unnecessary and let people enjoy what they do. However it is also important to find that balance, too much of anything isn't good, so sometimes even if you enjoy things you need to reign it back a little just to not overdo yourself. Its important to enjoy what you are doing, so if you dont enjoy cardio dont force yourself to do it.

Dont be angry that others are happy just because you aren't

This post will be a sort of "thought/ramble" post, so once again... if it is not the best formulated and a bit dysfunctional text wise... just know that this is me trying to gather and formulate my thoughts into words.


When you are struggling and stuck in your destructive behaviour, when you are trying to find your happiness and balance. Trying to break free from bad habits you feel like that is all you know. But also you begin becoming suspicious of others and wondering... are others really healthy, or are they just faking it?

For example, while i was sick and struggling if someone left to go to the bathroom after eating i automatically assumed they were going to purge... because why else go to the bathroom after eating? If someone said they exercised x times a week, i automatically assumed it was because they had a problem... why else exercise that much? I had once enjoyed exercise but then when i became sick it became an obsession and compulsion, not an enjoyment because i forced myself to do it... and so i thought, "isnt everyone else forcing themselves to do it". If someone ever said no to food offered (even if i did it myself) i assumed they were dieting, restricting or sick... because why else would they say no to food.

I was stuck in my sick bubble and i couldnt understand health or balance, i was so controlled by my illness that it was strange that others werent as well. It's hard to explain, but you might recognize it in your own thinking? Such as those people who when they are struggling and sad, they feel anger towards people who are happy... they understand why they can be happy, why their lives can be so easy. When infact, maybe the other persons life isnt easy, but they are choosing to laugh anyway....

Or when you break up with someone and then suddenly you hate everyone in a relationship, you think they are "too much" or "too in your face" and you despise them because your relationship is over. It is a bit like that.... you hate others who have what you dont have, or you dont understand how they can have it.


Now i'm bringing this back to myself.... because it feels like i get alot of comments accusing me of exercising too much, using it to cope with eating, using it to burn calories, still have an exercise obsession etc etc and in all honesty, even after explaining 101 times that i do it because of enjoyment and that it isnt a "must" but an enjoyment. I take plenty of restdays when i need them, when i am too tired mentally or physically and i dont do "too much" exercise, because then i wouldnt most probably injure myself, be very tired (though of course, because of depression i am just constantly tired... so i guess this is hard to say that it isnt exercise. But i do have energy for exercise when i do it, as long as my thoughts arent controlling me and making me feel awful, because then i cant find the physical energy when i am mentally feeling so low). I am not the only one who exercises often, it feels like you judge me because of my past... i am open that i have had an eating disorder and open that i struggled with an exercise compulsion, but that doesnt mean that i can't get better. But it feels like for those of you struggling who feel like you can never break free, like there is no healthy or balance. No way that you could do exercise for fun or without it being a chore, then you project that onto me and assume that i am the same way. But you can break free, you can break free from your eating disorder or illness. But it takes time and hard work... thats what many dont realise, they dont want to put in the work, they dont want to fight the anxiety, they dont want to break their routines or habits. For me, i had to stop exercising completely... i had to be in wheelchairs to stop me from walking- I had to fight the anxiety and the fear and then begin again with exercise, begin to listen to my body... to realise that not working out didnt change my body and that i didnt need to workout so that i could eat. And i tried different forms to find what i truly enjoy, and i now enjoy a whole bunch of different things and its an enjoyment.
   It is important to remember that i have grown up being active.... we have had 2 dogs my whole life, so lots of walks, bouncing on the trampoline and always running around because i could never sit still even as a child. And then i also played basketball several times a week as well as matches and began running and walking and doing yoga. My mum is a yoga teacher and does yoga atleast once a day and she also has classes where she does yoga again, so i have been raised as an active child, i have been raised eating vegetables, tofu and beans with some chips or candy on weekends. I have been raised doing exercise evervday 1) for my CF (because if i dont exercise i notice after a few days just how hard it is to breathe, and really my doctors suggest me to run or swim 3-6 times a week. But i mainly do strength training, and if i just strength train for a longer period of time without cardio then my lung function i.e space in my lungs decreases quite a bit and it is much harder to breathe.) So do remember that i have medical reasons to exercise as well as it being an enjoyment. It is something i have always done and always will do, its not a way to shape my body because if it was... i would look differently. But i dont try to shape my body, i do what i enjoy try to focus on improving on certain things or just going there to move my body.

But back to the main topic.... even if your thoughts are one way, doesnt mean that everyone else thinks that way.

I now know that when people go to the bathroom after meals, its because they need to use the bathroom... not to purge. When people say no to food offered, maybe they arent hungry, maybe they dont like the food or cant eat the food, or maybe yes... they are on a diet, but who cares. And when people exercise often, well thats their choice and its only when it becomes several hours a day and people say no to other things to exercise that you might be able to tell that there is a problem. But exercising often doesnt automatically mean that someone is doing it as a compulsion or due to an illness.


This was what i had to write and my thoughts. Remember... dont hate others because they have what you dont. Instead, let them inspire you. If people are happy and smiling and you are struggling each day and feeling sad.... why not let those people inspire you to also smile and be happy. And like mentioned above... everyone is different and just because you have an eating disorder and controlled by an eating disorder doesnt mean that everyone else has one too. And just because you dont believe that full recovery is possible, doesnt mean it is not true.

Final race of the year & picturebomb

Sooo.... my final race of the year. Or i presume it is my final race, but who knows i might run another one. They are somehow so addictive, its like i love them and hate them at the same time. Like all addictions i guess, but atleast races are a positive addiction (but maybe not so economic, and if you start running long races far too often then the chances of injury increases. )But anyway...

My feelings for the race? Yesterday it was anxiety and "dont want to do it", but then this morning while out for a walk with the dog my thoughts changed and i began thinking, "this will be alot of fun. Its running on trails which is what i love most, not running on concrete for 10m, but in the forests where there are ups and downs and more of a flow!" So that was my thinking before the race, a positive mindset.

My parents drove me to the start and they stayed there to watch me start running and were also there when i crossed the finish line, which was nice. I love when there is someone there waiting for me at the finish line, i can then share my joy which is fun :)

How did the race go? The first 4km were just fun, despite really needing to pee (even though i went 2 times beforehand XD I guess drinking a whole energy drink before the race just isnt good for the bladder.) the first few km just flowed by and the upphills weren't a problem. But then from 4-7km eveyrthing just feels tough and i just feel like dying and giving up and not wanting to continue. This seems to be a standard for me, these 3km are just the worst. My mind tells me to stop, my lungs dont get the oxygen they need and my legs start to ache... but then almost immediately after passing the 7km mark it is alot easier again and i get back into the flow and my mind begins to co operate. So learning to not give up durin those 3km is the toughest part of the whole race!

Once i cross the finish line with a racing pulse and a smile across my face, all of that "i never want to run again. This is torture." thoughts just go away, like they never existed and all i can think is "I love this sport so much. I love the endorphines, i love the adrenaline and i cant wait until my next race". And even if my mind tells me... lets go run a half marathon, i need to be a little practical and realise that my lungs just arent co operating with me and until breathing gets easier i cant press my body to run that far :( Whenever my lungs stop me from running it always makes me feel sad and makes me think back to when running 20km every weekend was easy, and now 10km makes me start coughing blood :( But onto positive things.... i have now run the four races part of "Nacka touren", i.e a half marathon and 3 x 10 km runs! So i got a rose, a diploma and alcohol free champagne (?) and also a present card for one of next years races. So hopefully i will be able to run the half marathon next year, and then i can run it for free (always a bonus, because races arent cheap :( )


Races are alot of fun and very addictive even if at times there is so much more pressure with races and you get the "why am i doing this" thoughts during the run, but overall it is alot of fun :) But remember, running isnt for everyone. So if you dont enjoy it... dont feel bad, there are other sports :):)

Do what you love and i love running - even if at times it is a love/hate relationship.

^^Me warming up by my self....

Favourite part of my room

My step dad took some running photos, so i might post them later when i get them :):)

Burning lungs and a rising pulse

With a medal round my neck and wrapped up in warm clothes lying on my bed, its time to think back over the past few hours! My blog, the place i like to document things like this... even if you might not find it interesting, i like to do it for myself. Because in a few years i might look back and read about my first "Tjejmil" 2015 and then i can read about my thoughts and how i felt during the race, compare to how it is then!!

If any of you do find it interesting, you can also follow my snapchat Izzy-m1 where i have documented a little today. And also do random viddeos of daisy and other things in my life. So you have 24 hours to see those race photos/videos :)

Onto the actual race.... i got there at 12pm and my starting time, the first group wasnt until 13pm. So it was just to queue to the bathroom... then go sit down, then get up and queue again. Then do a little warm up and then it was time to start walking to the race entry and start line!! With 30 minutes to go i stood there, in roughly the first 200 women and felt excited but also tired. Should have eaten something before the race such as rice cakes or something to give me that extra energy, would have kept me from getting cramps during the run as well!! Ohh well, that was just bad planning from my side!!
   One of the things i hate about races is when you are standing there by the start line and you know you have 20 minutes until the race and you just sort of have to stand there. Many people feel excited and happy at that stage, but i just want to start running, i dont want to stand there and jump up and down!! Hahah, i sound so bitter!!!

Finally at 13.00 the horn went off and it was time to start running and right from the beginning my legs felt heavy and slow. I felt a bit like this:



The first 3km went quickly but after that it felt extremely hard to breathe. Try running with a straw in your mouth and breathing through that straw... thats exactly how it felt. My muscles not getting the oxygen needed and my heart began to seriously hurt - beating very fast as it tried to keep up. By 5km i had to 1) run into one of the portaloos because nature was calling and 2) walk a few hundred meters because my heart was hurting so much. It actually terrified me alot so i had to slow down my pace and keep pushing forward. Then sometime by 7km i had to stop and slow down because i was so warm that i had to unpin my number bib and pin it to my shorts and then run in my sports bra, But i got a little rest there and let my heart beat slow down! Then from 8-10km were just a  pain and i wanted it to be over. No more running, i wanted to lie down on the ground and refuse to ever run again. Though once you cross the finish line and you get your medal you feel so proud, so happy and you know that you want to do it again and dont regret a second of it. Even if there were times during the run that you wanted to lie on the ground, cry and refuse to get up and move. Running isnt always easy and whoever says it is, is lying.... There are runs you enjoy less than others, and some runs dont go as well as others but in the end it is still something you love and want to do again and again!!! Thats what makes running so special :)

I didnt think that my run went so well but i finished with a time of 51 something... so not so bad, but time doesnt really matter. I finished the race in one piece and thats what matters and i enjoyed it somewhat, hahah XD

Also, while walking to meet my mum after the race a follower of mine came up and said "hi". I felt so shocked but it was so much fun, also being told im an inspiration. Put a huge smile on my face :):) Makes me want to continue with eveyrthing i do and all my social media, to get feedback and to meet readers/followers is so much fun!!! :) So to any of my swedish followers/readers, if you ever see me.... dont be scared to say hi. I do have this "resting bitch face" but trust me, i amnt a bitch... or i dont think so anyway!!! It is just fun if someone who reads my blog or follows me on IG recognizes me and wants to say hi!! :)

I also had luck with the weather because as i was walking to the car it began to rain, but it had been lovely weather while i ran! I felt bad for those who hadnt even started running yet and it was rainy and cold. But i am sure they will have lots of fun anyway! There is no bad weather, just bad clothes. I have always hated this quote, but it is true... i have realised this myself, that running in the rain isnt so bad as long as you are wearing the right clothing!

Anyway, now i need some physical and mental rest before i see what my plans for the evening are!!!

Hope you all have a lovely Saturday!!

^^When i had fininshed, the skies didnt look that great.

Cafe tips, weight talk and running photos

Hello :)

Ive spent the last 2 hours mostly lying in bed, with a stomach pain :( Everything got a little bit late and time dragged on so in the end i decided to not go to my friends house. It sucks, i would have liked to meet her before she left, but i would have been there by 6.30pm, and everyone was there by 2pm, so i knew that there was no point. Instead i followed with my parents to a shopping centre where they had to get a few things and instead i went to a cafe i found which served lots of delicious salads, juices, raw food cakes and bars and other delicious food. I ordered myself a chicken, avocado and egg salad with bulgur and sun dried tomatoes as well as a ginger, apple and pear juice.  While my family did their shopping i sat and ate, though i ended up getting alot of stomach pain. And i think its time for me to realise that there are certain foods, including sun dried tomatoes which my stomach just cant seem to cope. Each time i have eaten them the past few months i have had the same pain...... i dont want to admit that its true because i LOVE sun dried tomatoes. Put a jar with 300g sundried tomatoes in oil infront of me and i will eat it all.... though it feels like the stomach pain afterwards isnt worth it. There are other foods i need to avoid as well, but i am not going to mention them here as it can be triggering to some, and well... foods i dont eat or need to avoid are personal and affect no one else but myself.

Even though i got a stomach pain from the food, due to a bad choice, i can still highly recommend this cafe. I think its a new business, but if not... try it.

Otherwise this evening my mum had a talk to me about food and exercise. She likes to have these check ups with me because of my past, and just making sure that everything is going well with me. Also i have lost weight recently, and she notices that and thinks that i have gotten too skinny recently, so she wanted to make sure that everything was going well. I am still eating lots, but maybe because i have been feeling so low i havent gotten enogh, or my body is just burning lots (i admit, i am constantly warm all the time, or freezing cold), or my body just isnt absorbing the nutrients/energy at the moment. But i am focusing on regaining the weight, as i know that the weight i am at usually is where my body feels best. I really dont focus on the number and all honestly i dont care what the number is, as long as its a healthy weight for me. But i know that i need to regain the weight because my body is healthiest and happiest there. For my own strength and energy levels, of course i am still a healthy weight and BMI! 

For me the most important thing is feeling happy, healthy, energetic and strong. And well, all 4 of those have been a little low lately, or not my strength. But i mean, i could feel and be stronger!

Whenever anonymous people attack me online or accuse me of being orthorexic or still being sick i always tell them that my family would know before anyone online. Because of my past both my mum and sister are very observant of me, they would notice if i were to change my behaviour such as cutting food groups or mixing with food or if i were to begin doing lots of exercise. They know how often i go to the gym, roughly 5-6 days a week and my sister often works out at the same time/with  me. Also they see the huge meals i eat and when i go back for more, which isnt posted online. It can be annoying when you feel yourself being analyzed at times, but i dont personally mind because i have nothing to hide or be worried about. Of course i think it is great that my mum has discussions like this. Because then i can tell her exactly my thoughts regarding food and exercise. Its important to have dicussions like that with your family, but also because if someone has had an eating disorder it is easier to relapse or to develop another eating disorder. And unfortunatly many people who "recover" from eating disorders just turn to exercise and "clean eating" to control their food, and it is a problem, it isnt healthy if its an obsession or due to control issues. But if i can talk about my thoughts and how i think regarding those subjects then we have an open discussion and she doesnt have to be worried. I do understand her, and other peoples worry, especially when it comes to exercising so often. 

Anyway, this post became very long, but i thought it was a good thing and instead of being irritated or angry like i would have been in the past, when hiding secrets. Now i see it as a positive thing, she does it now and again and it is good :) 

Onto some of the photos my step dad took today!

(Had run 9,5km at this point and i was pretty tired, but kept a smile on my face anyway!)

(Photos are unedited - as all my photos are. But usually when my step dad takes photos he fixes the lighting and that, but today he didnt have time :))