Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: [email protected]

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Showing posts with label masterpost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masterpost. Show all posts

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Gut bacteria and connection with eating disorders, anxiety, depression. (masterpost)

I began writing this post back in 2016, but never got around to actually finishing it.... (a year later im back writing on it!)

Recently i have read a few articles regarding the research/study on gut bacteria (If you didnt know we have both good and bad bacteria in our intestines and all together those can weigh up to 1,5kg... An interesting fact, for me anyway. For most others they find this information disturbing and something they would prefer to not know. But now you know and also to point out, that we need these bacteria to survive and be healthy. They have found correlations of "bad" bacteria and illnesses or lack of bacteria and illnesses, but then have a good gut bacteria improves health hence why it is recommended to take probiotics!).

My mum sent me a link to an article, but i couldnt find the actual article link she sent me so i did some of my own googling and found THIS article which was pretty much the same thing and talks about a study done to see the gut bacteria of those who suffered with anorexia and those who were healthy. And what they found is that those who had anorexia had much less bacteria in their intestines - most likely due to the fact that they were eating so little and non varied and so many of the bacteria died out, but then when the patients had gained weight and been eating enough and varied the bacteria flora improved but not as much as it was as the healthy people.

For a long time my mum has talked about how important gut bacteria is and ive always been given probiotics, however i have also taken ALOT of antibiotics in my life. During most of my childhood i was almost constantly on some form of antibiotics either orally or through an IV. And at times ive had to take antibiotics almost every month or second month.... and that does alot of damage on the gut bacteria and can take up to 6 months after just a 2 week antibiotic dose to get back to a healthy gut bacteria again. However antibiotics do help so its not something you should avoid if you need it, but taking it unnecessarily isnt a good idea, and also making sure to take plenty of probiotics before, during and after the dose.

And then there is also the question about how much antibiotics are people consuming unknowingly from the animal products they consume. There are regulations about how much antibiotics can be given to live stock and the amount has to be below a certain a amount to be allowed to sell as "food"... however, the farmers just want "healthy" animals to kill and sell as meat. There isnt so much studies about how the antibiotics used in agriculture is affecting humans, however there is more news that there is a rise in antibiotic resistance which is a rather terrifying thing if people start to become resistant to antibiotics. You can read more HERE

In school recently we talked about the gut-brain axis and how bacteria in the intestines can impact and affect the brain and cause issues such as depressive thinking, more prone to anxiety and might even be a cause of an eating disorder.

Ive been skeptical... but it also makes alot of sense. I.e if we eat the right food and plenty of fiber which is healthy (in the right amount) it will also feed the gut bacteria. I.e good nutrition plays a HUGE role in how you feel. It impacts thoughts, mood, skin, hair, energy and pretty much everything else in the body.

However if you eat alot of junk food and processed food it can kill out the gut bacteria which might cause more tiredness, negative thinking and an imbalance in the body which can cause you to eat less or keep eating junk food which in turn makes it worse. Or for example if you have an eating disorder and dont eat alot, then the gut bacteria dont get any food and will die out as well which in turn can cause more negative thinking, more anxiety and depression. So it all sort of hangs together.... however the question is whether its depression/an eating disorder/anxiety that makes the gut bacteria die out/lessen or whether its that a person already has fewer gut bacteria which in turn causes the illness....

You can read more about studies and the link of gut bacteria and anorexia
HERE (read this one if you are interested)
Abstract of a study HERE
Another article talking more about this topic

It is very very interesting to read about and one of the conclusions is that good nutrition is key but also that probiotics should be a part of everyones diet.

There is also studies about how gut bacteria can affect/be the cause of depression, but more studies on humans need to be done.
You can read more:

HERE
HERE
HERE
Article in more "simple wording"

There is also the theory that in the western world everything is too "clean" i.e people arent as exposed to different bacteria and such which in turn can cause autoimmune illnesses. Ive always grown up being told that "a little dirt never harmed anyone" and also that as a child, growing up around animals can actually make the immune system stronger as you are more exposed to bacteria which makes the immune system have something to fight against and get stronger. But on the other side ive also been told that i need to stay away from as much dirt and bacteria as possible because of my CF and wasnt even allowed to hoover or sleep on a mattress on the floor because of the bacteria i might be exposed to.

Basically, not all bacteria is bad.

Gut bacteria has also been linked to weight control and that people who are obese have a different variety and type of gut bacteria compared to people who are slim and can maintain their weight effortlessly..... you can read more about a study done on this HERE

There are also plenty of articles and studies showing that the way you are born and whether you are breast fed or not impacts your gut bacteria which later can impact your health status, i.e whether you are more prone to different illnesses not to mention how you maintain your weight. I.e for some people, because they were born from a C section and never breast fed can be one of the causes for weight gain in the future according to some studies.

A variety and abundance of different gut bacteria is often found in the healthiest of people which is why HEALTHY AND VARIED FOOD is key. That is basically the summary of it all.... are you eating restrictvly, eating alot of junk food, not eating alot of fiber? This can all affect your gut bacteria which can then affect your brain and thoughts and lead to other negative impacts. So dont just live on broccoli, dont just live on rice and chicken, dont just live on oreos and burgers... its all about the balance and variety. But also eating enough is key, eating enough to maintain your weight... the less you eat the less fuel for the gut bacteria.

I feel like i could write so much more about this as it is a very interesting topic and hope for more studies about this in the future (which i know there will be.) But just keep in mind - eat varied, eat healthy, supplement with a probiotic and dont be scared of a little dirt (ohh... and maybe cut down on animal products would also be a recommendation!!).


Photo from: HERE


Your brain and your digestive system are intricately linked. They interact so closely that some say they should be taken as one system. The link is the vagus nerve, a direct neuronal connection between the gut and the brain. It turns out the gut can bidirectionally communicate with the brain via the vagus nerve, known as the gut–brain axis. Not only does an individual’s microbiome affect overall health and disease, but also can impact mental health. Anger, anxiety, stress, sadness and excite...:


Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Getting the right vitamins on a vegan diet, vitamin malabsorption, vegan in recovery? (Masterpost - veganism)

Ive recently gotten some questions about a vegan diet and whether it is healthy or not also about getting the right vitamins and minerals on a vegan diet.

So first off, i still stand by my opinion that a vegan diet in recovery is not recommended. And this is because 1) You need alot of food (most often) in recovery and unless you are eating alot of nuts, oils and avocado it can be hard to reach the right calorie amount. 2) Your body is in a much higher need of vitamins and minerals as well as protein to repair the body and unless you are food combining right and eating alot of food as well as varied it can be hard to reach the right amount (however with a dietitian who has knowledge about a vegan diet its not impossible, but not something i would recommend you do on your own), 3) if you have an eating disorder a vegan diet can be restrictive... it doesnt have to be restrictive but if you have fear foods or dont want to eat bread, pasta, potatoes, oil, avocado, nuts etc you might end up just eating vegetables and fruit and that ISNT enough in recovery or for anymore in all honesty. 4) I wouldnt put labels on yourself... instead just be open to everything, maybe you were vegan before you became sick so you could never eat meat again but maybe you crave some dairy or eggs.... then eat it, that might be just what your body needs. Dont have any labels or restrictions on yourself in recovery, maybe in the future when your body is physically and mentally healthy then you might be able to live a 100% vegan lifestyle, but in recovery that might not be the case. Remember that eating a few plant based meals each day still makes a difference!

How to get the right vitamins and minerals on a vegan diet? I have more information about this below as well as will link to alot of my old posts about veganism that will help hopefully!

POST: how to get enough/right vitamins on a vgean diet
POST: Getting right vitamins and minerals on a vegan diet (very hepful about what the vitamins do  and where to get them, in simple terms!)

Its not hard to get vitamins and minerals on a vegan diet if you eat varied and that doesnt mean you have to eat different vegetables everyday or every meal, but like i wrote in THIS post, i vary which foods i buy each week. .Example one week i buy broccoli and potatoes and green lentils and the next week i buy red lentils, sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts and that gives me a variety over time.

Variety and abundance is key to getting the right vitamins and minerals. HOWEVER it is known that the iron amount absorbed from plant based food isnt as good as from meat or fish, however its not impossible to get the right iron amount as long as you dont have another problem with the absorption of iron (which can be a reason why you might not be able to go vegan). Information below about which food sources give you iron on a vegan diet.

It's also important to take b12 supplement and even an omega 3 supplement with DHA and EPA as that is hard to get on a vegan diet. You can read more HERE

And then its of course calcium and vitamin D which you might need a supplement of depends on how you and what you eat. Both calcium and Vitamin D sort of go together and without the right amount of vitamin D calcium wont be absorbed as well, so you may be eating alot of calcium through enriched products but if you arent getting enough Vitamin D it wont be stored/absorbed as well!!

So, you can ask yourself.... is a vegan diet actually healthy when you need supplements, b12 atleast... the others you might/might not need. I often get asked this question and all i can say is that i dont eat a vegan diet because its "Healthy", but because i believe its ethically right. You can eat just oreos and vegan cheese and vegan chocolate and be a vegan... but that isnt healthy. Jjust like you can eat just bananas or just raw food but that doesnt make it healthy either.... (In fact i often wonder how healthy raw vegans actually are or fruitarians as they must be missing alot of vitamins or minerals or even enough protein?).

For an adult who is physically active, healthy and has no underlying illnesses or no problems with digestion or food absorption then a vegan diet which is balanced and varied it can be healthy.... but for someone with an underlying illness or has problem with vitamin absorption then it can be a problem.

And what is vitamin malabsorption? It can be due to many reasons but often due to an illness which effects your intestines such as celiak disease, Chrons, pancreatitis, inflammation in the intestines, injury or illness in the gallbladder, liver or pancreas. But even just having an eating disorder where the intestines are very much affected as well the digestion can affect vitamin absorption.
Because of having CF the absorption of fat and essentially fatty acids and fat soluble vitamins is decreased as well as calcium absorption is low. So it is very important for me to take supplements of those as well as enzymes to help my body break down and absorb fat. For me it works to be a vegan and have CF however if a person who has CF and is much sicker with the illness it might be hard for them to have a vegan diet because of the low absorption rate of those vitamins, minerals and fat. However in the future i might work with CF patients as well who are interested in eating a vegan diet and still being healthy!


Of course i don't want to deter you from eating plant based however knowledge is so important or going to a professional with knowledge about a vegan diet and how to help you/give you advice (i.e me in the future hahahah!). I'm not saying i have the best diet, i dont actually think about what i eat or about my vitamins or mineral levels, but in 2 weeks time i'm getting my blood tests done (and 1 year as a vegan) as well as going to a dietitian and we'll see what my blood tests say and whether i might be lacking something or not. I do take a multivitamin everyday as well as extra vitamin D as well as a vegan Omega 3 tablet, and then i need more of other vitamins and minerals because of my CF.

I would suggest, eat an abundance and eat varied. Try different vegetables, eating beans and lentils and if you like/can eating soy products is important on a vegan diet as well as fortified products to help get other vitamins and minerals.

Below is information and more posts which might help you, but feel free to comment below if you have more questions. HOWEVER i dont do meal plans, i am not fully qualified to do that yet, but in the future i will :)



Vegan staple foods to have at home
A guide to going vegan by acti-veg
Food combining as a vegan
Why you should eat varied and balanced over the week.
Did veganism make me more healthy? My opinion on different vegan diets
Is it necessary to take a vitamin supplement?
Talking about my nutrition and intake on a vegan diet 
Thinking about going vegan & 17 food cooking hacks 
Not allowed to be vegan while living at home
Vegan on a college budget and how to save money




Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The important of rest and my exercise addiction.



Image result for importance of rest

Image result for importance of rest
Image result for i am not lazy i am fighting a

I got asked quite a few questions about exercise and as i have not studied exercise so much i will wait to answer those. Either ill do my own research or you will just have to wait 1-2 years until i study courses about exercise and exercise nutrition, hahaha.... or maybe ask someone who is more qualified in the area of exercise... and im more qualified in the nutrition area :)

I got asked about the importance of rest and why it is needed.

And i can say, rest is very important! But of course it is a balance and that balance is different for everyone but also in different stages of life. There is alot of news about how "sitting is the new cancer" and its rather terrifying. Sitting is made out to be the worst thing out there and it scares the people who are already active.... the people who already workout or who already live active lifestyles, its most often those who end up doing even more exercise whereas the people who sit all day and barely get any steps in, its those that dont care about the information. And this is a problem.... because if you are already active, then you dont necessarily need to add in more especially not if the added exercise takes away from other things in your life such as you stop meeting friends or family or dont focus as much on your work or school work because you are just trying to get all your steps in or adding in workouts and suddenly exercise is taking over your life.

Sitting isnt bad... however for those that sit 24/7 pretty much all their life then yes, there is a recommendation for them to try to get 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week atleast, and that can be just 30 minutes of walking 5 times a week to get the health benefits of exercise.
Yes.. that little is enough.

And now you may be thinking about your own 2-3 hours of exercise you do a day and worry that you are doing too little... no you arent. 30-60 minutes 4-5 times a week is enough!! And then of course the recommendation that you try to be active in other ways during the day as well, such as if the store is 10 minutes away... walk to it and not drive like some people do.

Of course PLEASE REMEMBER that this advice is aimed at HEALTHY/not so active people. If you are in recovery and need to gain weight or if you strugle with an exercise addiction then this information DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. Or not in your current situation. When i was in recovery and had to gain weight as well as struggling with exercise addiction i needed to sit 24/7. It was MUCH  easier for me to be active all the time... to always exercise and be moving rather than to sit down. Myexercise addiction went so far that i would only sit for roughly 30-60 minutes a day... i'd set my alarm at 5 or 6am and then be standing or moving in someway until i would quite honestly collapse into bed at 10pm. I would stand in corners to hide from my parents or hide from the staff at hospital.. i would do crunches and jumping jacks and out walking and running and always doing things... and no matter how tired i was i could not sit down because i was so terrified of resting. IT TOOK OVER MY LIFE. I could not go to the cinema, i could not sit on the train, i panicked if we had more than a 20 minute drive anywhere, i could not travel.... In Ireland before i was diagnosed with my eating disorder i would sit on our indoor bicycle for hours and would do crunches on the pilates ball and run up and down the stairs until i would collapse on the floor crying because i was so tired but still knew i would get up and do the exact same thing the next day. I dont know how many arguements i had with my family because i would stand everywhere and would lock myself in the bathroom for hours just so that i could stand there and/or exercise.  It was absaloutly awful and exercise took over my life, and when i was at Mando i had to be in a wheel chair both because of my low weight but also because the staff wanted me to be still... i wasnt even allowed to go to my room that was 200m from the "common room", and i had an activity monitor on me weekly as the staff knew i exercised but i did it in secret when i couldnt be seen. But somehow each time the activity monitor would stop working or would break......

When you struggle with an exercise addiction then you NEED to rest. Forget the headlines about importance of exercise because the most important thing for you in this stage of your life is to rest and to find balance.

I can say that recovering from an exercise addiction was terrible.. so many fears that i would balloon up, so many fears about sitting and resting and being still. But by being forced to rest i had no other option but to face that fear. However when i was allowed to exercise again i did fall back into doing too much exercise but eventually over time i learnt to find my balance, but i will link to posts about exercise addiction below where you can read my story and how i got better.

Exercise breaks down the body... exercise is a stressor for the body and you need to sleep and nourishing food to combine that (not to mention antioxidants from food helps!).
THe more exercise you do, the more you break down your body. Some people recover better and can exercise more, not to mention maybe they have more time to exercise and others dont recover as well and cant do as much exercise.
Its also about lifestyle and what you have time and enery for. For example if you have a very active job or are very busy in school or work then maybe trying to get to the gym 5-6 times a week just tires you out and stresses you out far too much so then maybe just doing 30 minutes of walking after work or school is enough and is the perfect balance whereas maybe someone has alot of freetime and/or works at a gym and then can do 2 workouts a day and be perfectly healthy and fine. 
Its different for everyone, that is why you shouldnt compare the amount of exercise someone else does because how much varies from person to person and lifestyle.

And dont forget that nutrition is key.... even on the days you dont workout you need to eat. Generally on days you workout/exercise you need more food but just because you dont workout one day doesnt mean that need to cut back alot, you can still eat the same amount.


When it comes to exercise and the headlines about sitting is the worst you have to remember who the headline is aimed at. If you are already active then you dont need to worry.

The problem in todays society is that there is unfortunatly an epidemic of obesity and far too many people are inactive and alot of illnesses are arising because of peoples lifestyles and what they eat as well as too little activity. However for those people they need a whole lifestyle change and its not just sitting that is the worst but its about their whole lifestyle and the food they eat. The advice for someone who sits all day everyday, does absaloutly no movement, eats junk food or far too much processed food each day as well as maybe smokes and/or drinks alot of alcohol, that is NOT the same advice to someone who is maybe already aware of what they eat and lives a regular lifestyle with normal exercise. 

According to the articles ive read about exercise its actually far better to do a little movement every hour or so than to just do 60 minutes at the gym and then nothing else for the next 23 hours. That is out of health benefits i.e so for people who are very inactive its better recommended that they try to do some activity every 1-2 hours throughout the day than to try to fit in 60 minutes at the gym and then do nothing else for the rest of the day.

There is alot i could write about this and this topic is rather debated. But i would say... just be aware of what advice is aimed at you. I.e are you already active then you most likely dont need more exercise in your day. If you do absaloutly nothing then maybe aim to add in 3 x 30 minutes walks a week. Are you struggling with exercise addiction or need to gain weight, then dont panic about resting all the time that is the BEST AND HEALTHIEST thing for your body right now and later on in life you can exercise.
There is a split in society where some people are so inactive it leads to health problems and then there is the other side where some people are so active it also leads to health problems. And then there are people inbetween those two extremes. Some would say that overexercising isnt a problem and that all exercise is good, however i know from experience that that isnt true. Too much exercise isnt good and that exercise can take over your life not to mention that my exercise addiction has left me with injuries due from the wrong form and never allowing myself to rest.

Also dont forget that our society is sort of built up on being as inactive as possible... people want comfort and things to be close and to not have to move. So in a way society also has to blame for peoples inactivity... but once again, its the people who are already aware and active who choose to take the stairs and to walk and to move more, whereas the people who need that exercise activity are the ones who dont take the stairs or walk or move.

Anyway, i could write alot about this but i will end the post here and instead link back to old posts about my exercise addiction and advice about exercise and why resting is important!!



As you can see, i have written alot of posts about this topic and i think its important to talk about!

Of course just like i want to help people to rest and find balance with exercise i also want to help those who hate exercise to begin to like it and do some form of exercise!

Monday, May 1, 2017

Posts about binging and bloating - eating disorder recovery

Three of the most comment questions i get about are weight gain, bloating and binging in recovery, so i thought i would make a little post with some advice/links to posts about bloating and binging in recovery.

Bloating happens and if it doesnt go away for months it might be due to something else rather than just your body and digestive system getting used to food and eating again and beginning to work normally again.

And binging can happen, for different reasons and if it begins to happen too often, then you need to seek help for it and talk to someone about the binging so that it doesnt turn into something very serious and/or worse. However if the binging is just due to that fact that you arent eating enough then often it can help to just follow a meal plan and eat more for your meals.

You can read more posts and advie about binging  HERE and HERE

And bloating: HERE and HERE


Help! I binged! What do I do now?!
First, know your binge. What caused it? How could you have better handled it? What alternatives are there to bingeing? What KIND of binge was it?
Now if you is you DO binge… because it does happen from time to time in recovery… here are 20 reasons not to hate yourself after a binge [x].
And here are some other posts that may help you after a binge:


Bloating in recovery:

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

It's hard to feel happy and healthy when you have disordered eating - masterpost

If you are always thinking about food. Thinking about what you can or can't eat, at what time you can or can't eat. Always planning your food, always thinking about your next meal or how to avoid your next meal. If your thoughts are constantly on food in some way or another, whether its counting calories and planning and fearing food, or whether its from an obsession and can't stop eating food or waiting for your next meal. If food is constantly on your mind, or if you have disordered eating in some form it is very hard to feel happy and healthy.

In the past i've had it all.... restricted and feared food. Counted calories and planned how best to avoid eating, what tactics i should use to eat as little as possible, what ways i could hide and cheat with food. Ive counted other peoples calories and made food for others and gotten satisfaction from seeing others eat while wanting to eat the food myself so badly. Ive spent days where almost the majority of my time my thoughts were on food in some form or another, while all the time i restricted myself and never allowed myself to eat.

Ive also been on the polar opposite, where i couldnt make myself stop eating. Once again food had taken over my mind and my life, but i couldnt stop eating... it was black and white. Just a slice of bread or a bite of chocolate would trigger something in my mind and then i couldnt stop eating until i eat thousands of calories at once. I went through extreme binges where i would have to go to the store to replace the food i had consumed so that my mum or sister wouldnt know.

During the years i was sick i also purged frequently, anything to get rid of the food. And when i went through binging i could purge anywhere from 3-7 times in a day, anything to get rid of the food i had consumed.

Ive gone through eating far too healthy and clean, not wanting anything deemed bad or unhealthy. Food was on my mind, the foods i wanted but couldnt have because they were unhealthy.


From all those stages in my life, i can say that it is hard to feel healthy or happy when you have disordered eating or disordered thoughts about food. Food is part of life, and people think about food. Some people more than others. Food is also an enjoyment and something social, we bake and cook and invite others to taste and enjoy the food. We go out to eat and are social, we eat food when we're offered, we enjoy free food, we maybe meal prep  and enjoy trying new food. Basically, food is part of life but it SHOULD NOT consume your whole life or all your thoughts. Even if you are working with food in some form or another, it shouldnt be the only thing you think about. Jjust like for a dietician or nutritionist or someone who works with counting calories and making meal plans, all their energy and thoughts shouldnt go towards calories and food 24/7.

It is very draining and unhealthy when your relationship with food is unhealthy. When you restrict or compensate or count every calorie. When you think of food as good or bad, or food you can have or cant have, or when you crave foods and dont allow yourself to eat them. Or you crave foods and then you cant stop eating them.

Recovery is about finding balance with food and not letting it control your life. Because you NEED to eat... everyone needs to eat. Food is both a source of energy, nutrition to keep us healthy, but also an enjoyment. You cant take away the fact that food is a very social thing in  most countries and it brings an enjoyment and even a "togetherneess" with some people. Food isnt always eaten for optimal nutrition or health, it is more than that in todays society and thats ok. You dont need to eat the chocolate for optimal health, but maybe for mental health and well being.

You need to remember and realise that food shouldnt always be on your mind. Life should be on your mind.... living and your interests and school or work. Or maybe that new series or film or book or your hobbies or friends..... food is just a part of that, but not everything.

Also when you begin to normalise your eating habits and find healthy ones for you, you realise that food controls you less. Its a process but you will realise that the more balanced your eating habits are the more balanced your thoughts are and vice versa.

Try to focus on life and fix your eating habits as well as your thoughts, and realise that there is so much more to life. Dont spend your whole life just worrying about food, thats not life... thats living out of fear. It takes time but it's not impossible to find balance!


I get many questions about this topic - thinking too much about food - so i will link all my previous posts aboutt his subject which might help!

Always thinking about food
Thinking about food all the time, will the thoughts ever go away
How to focus less on food/get rid of obsessive food thoughts
Thinking about food - how much is normal

Spending your whole day just waiting for your next meal
It's a thin line between just liking food and being obsessed with food
Normal people thoughts
Focusing too much on food
Do i have a food obsession - my self analysis

Monday, November 21, 2016

Coping with depression . useful links and resources

Helpful Links:
Interactives:
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