these 4 walls

Today i feel strange. I feel diffferet. I dont feel like myself.
  I cat put words to how i feel... not happy. not sad. not worried. not stressed.... just... not here?


Its snowing outside, i hate it. I woke this morning and looked outside... it didnt feel good. I felt locked. I felt imprisoned.
   I have to get out. I cant spend all day inside. 
-Strange, when its sunny i feel perfectly fine just sitting infront of the computer, but when it snows... i have to get out?
  
I just put on my jogging gear and out i went... i had argued with my sister... i dont want to get into it. I dont have the energy for it.
  But it left me feeling awful, horrible.... i cant stand family at the moment. I hate my sister... Ok.. i dont want to say anymore. Just safe to say that she brings me down and makes me feel like shit.


It felt good to get out.. it was just me and my dog.. no one else was as stupid as me i guess? haha.. nah, the snow wasnt that bad.

Me and my sister are avoiding each other.. ive tried making conversation.. but she seems to hate me.
 
It feels like i could cry... why do i have to be the strong one? the one who fixes things. The one who smiles through the pain of it all?

Today.. i have no plans. But i CANT be inside... i have to get out of the house. I refuse to just sit here.. even if it means heading into town.. i dont care.
   I cant be alone. I want to spend time with someone, even if its just watching a film or sitting in silence... or talking. I want to talk.. i want to laugh!! Im gonna see if my friend from Mando wants to meet.. not to sure.
  Otherwise im gonna see if i can meet my mum & her partner, go out for cake or something. Sit in a cosy cafe drinking tea and eating cake... Mmmm :)
   
^^Kind of how im feeling^^