Mando

2 years treatment at Mando. Alot of downs, but also alot of ups.
With the help of Mando, i started to eat again. I started to think straight, i started to like and accept my body. I started to live again.
Mando gave me my life back, of course... it was me who put all the work in. But Mando was there to give me the support i needed.
Of course, it wasnt easy at Mando. Far from.
All the fights i had with the staff, all the tears i shed, all the times i cheated and lied, the times i refused to eat, the time i tried to run away.
All the lonely nights that i cried myself to sleep, all the new scars on my body.
The times i stoodready to kill myself, and the night i overdosed.
All my anxiety attacks and my panic attacks. All the times i had to raise my meal plan, all the times i poured out my supplement drinks.
The times i refused to go to Mando and instead spent my days walking and starving.
All the kilos lost and all the kilos gained. All the weeks in a wheelchair, and all the nights spent exercising.
Akll the hours spent wishing to die. All the wishes for freedom, to just live a normal life. To be healthy, never did i think it was possible.

2 years of my life. 1 whole year spent at Mando, almost everyday.
4 times inpatient, 3 times day patient.
All the months, weeks, days, hours, seconds.....

I can honestly admit, i never thought id ever get declared healthy. I never thought id live a healthy life, where i can eat what i want.
Where i can socialize, and i can exercise and run because i think its fun.
I can spend time with my family and friends, i can eat cake, and chocolate.
I can spend time in a crowded area, with out getting a panic attack and anxiety.
I can look in the mirror, and generally think i look good. I can smile without faking it.

I see my scars fading, and calories arent counted.

My life went from Hell. to normal life (which is a bit of hell and heaven!)

Life isnt suddenly perfect and easy, because your free from your ED. All your problems wont dissappear, but one problem has anyway.
Ive considered myself healthy for a year now, that jsut getting it written on paper, isnt much difference... things are suddenly going to change. Im not going to be a new person, or live life any different.
Im still going to do the same things, im still the same person... just that i dont have the diagnos Anorexia Nervosia anymore.
Im one illness less!! Hahah

Dont ever doubt yourself, or your strength. Decide that you want to get healthy, and one day you will be.
Whether it takes 6 months or two years... its different for everyone. But dont doubt that you will get healthy.
A normal life, with a normal weight is possible. Its reachable. Even if it takes time, energy and trouble... its not easy.
But life isnt easy anyway... its just part of it.

Never give up, just keep going. Dont listen to the voice in your head, because that voice is lying... i stopped listening to the voice... and look where i am now?!

If i can do it... so can you.