Life is unfair

I know I'm not the only one.
I'm not the only one in the world to go through this, but it's still unfair.

I dont want to go through this. I don't want this.

Each day is a struggle. Each day is a battle, a fight. One which I no longer want to fight.

I mean, how much is one person meant to be able to go through without breaking?
Shouldn't I be broken by this point?

I'm just a girl. How am I meant to go through this?

I don't want to fight this anymore, I dint want to walk in the blackness.
I want comfort and safety.

I'm not even getting rewarded for my hard work.
Yes - in the end I'll be healthy. I get that.

But I don't even know what healthy is anymore.

Whsat is normal? I have no idea.

I can't remember a time when I was healthy. All I can remember is being consumed with weight, calories, food. Secrecy, lies, pain, angst, hatred, tears, invisibility

But I know there was a rime when the only thing I worried about was, boys. Not getting to go to that disco. Missing that test in school. I know that there was that time. I just can't remember it.

What was it like to not think about food? To eat what I want

I'll never go back to that... Food will always be something just not as much as now.