food food food!!

 I was one of thoose anorexics where food was everything.

I cooked food for others, using oil, butter,cream, whatever was necessary

and i wasnt scared to add extra of it.

But i never ate what i cooked.

I jstu sat and stared as others ate what i cooked.

I never let anyone else cook

and if they did i stood behind watching

watching everything they put in the food.

I baked loads,

I was addicted to it.

Baking something or other nearly every day.

I loved adding the cream and butter and suger...

Something i never allowed myself to eat.

And i never allowed myself to eat what i baked.

It would just sit on the counter teasing me,

and soon i'd just throw it away.

I spend nearly everyday on the computer researching recipes.

Making a list.

Foods i wanted to eat.

Foods i would never allow myself to eat.

I made folders and saved recipes.

I cut out recipes out of magazines.

I saved them

Somedays i would just take out the recipes and go through them

just looking at them.

I spent hours researching calorie content

fat content

Im a GDA calculater... ask me the GDA of nearly every food and i could tell you what the item contains

I would go to the shop

and just pick up items

look at the GDA 

and put the item down again.

I spent hours calculating over how much i had eaten,

always rounding the calories up.

I made lists of foods i hate.

everything.

I made lists of food i liked.

Food, vegetables, water,tea with no milk.

I spent hours looking at food in the fridge.

I spent all days thinking about food.

I took food from the fridge and threw it away so it looked like i ate.

I lined food up on the table staring at it,

trying to will myself to eat.

When i did eat.

It didnt stay down.

I spent hours avoiding food

lieing and cheating

anything to avoid food

but i was mentally addicted to it.

my whole world revolved around food.

something i wouldnt let myself go near.