Gym & Massage!

Good afternoon!!! :)
  Today, i am really proud of myself! I went to the gym this morning, i felt that my gym crad was starting to get dusty!! haha (Joke! XD)
   When i got to the gym, i felt really tired... didnt feel so much like exercising. I was actually contemplating just going home again, but i figured i was already there, might aswell actually do some exercise!! (Im usually very active, and have lots of energy...so its always strange when i feel tired and slow.)
  When i got on the treadmill, i thought i would barely manage 10 minutes... thats how tired i was. But i just plugged in my music, and i was staring at the TV which was showing Extreme Makeover: Weightloss edition. (haha... what a program to watch when your on the treadmill... but i always smile when i see the change in the overweight persons body. But the thing is... when i look at the people who are overweight... Thats exactly how i feel... i feel like theres fat all over my body. just hanging down... Of course its not at all like that. But i still dont see myself right.. hence my BDD. :/)
  But before i knew it, i had run 45 minutes, and i wasnt even tired, so i kept running unti l i had run an hour, 10km!!! Im so proud of myself!! Ive never ran 10km in one go... i would usually run like 30 minutes and 30 minutes, or like 45 & 15. And the max ive run in one go is 7,5km....!!! And i thought i was tired!

(Btw im sorry if anyone finds that triggering. I usually try to avoid writing about my exercise routines and how much i do as i know it can be triggering... but i just felt so proud of myself!! XD)

And then my mum picked me up. She had offered to give me a massage today (as shes a masseus & a yoga teacher!). I actualyl dont like massages... i get anxiety about it. Just the thought about it.
  But its a sick anxiety... i still have a fear & hate of massages. Because when i was sick, i hated people touching my body, or seeing my body. I felt fat & grotesque... and i hated when people hugged me. I hated if anyone saw me changing or anything like that... i avoided contact with people and i avoided mirrors (if i wasnt standing infront of them obsessing about all the 'fat' i had on my body.)
   But i decided to try to go against that anxiety i had. I mean, massages are nice and relaxing and at the moment i have like back, shoulder and neck pain. (and im still so young.)
 
I let go of my stress and anxiety over getting a massage and i relaxed and really enjoyed it.
 I even fell asleep!!! While i slept i ended up dreaming that i was falling so i like sat upright, shocked not knowing where i was!! haha... I gave my mum a fright. 
   It was really nice.... it feels like some of my anxiety is definitely gone. But i wouldnt be comfortable with someone else giving me a massage!!
    Im feeling sleepy and relaxed now!! Nice!!!

Ahh if only i could go to the gym and get a massage everyday!! haha XD

How has everyones day been? :)