But we didnt haev the ingredients, and then mum ended up saying that she wouldnt let me do the cooking if i couldnt a simple thing as adding oil to salad (which she had done today and ihad gotten cross saying i wouldnt eat it, and i didnt) and adding things like butter or something. And then seh was like, you're not getting better if you cant do that, or something along hte lines of that. ANd i jsut burst into tears telling her that, sure im eating. BUt im only doing it to get oout of hospital... if i had hte chance, i'd definitely go bac to not eating, and yes... fine im not getting bette, but jsut making me eat is not helping my thoughts. If anythignt here worse than ever now. and soemdays i cant go through with it and im ust like, stop making em gain weight and actually help me doing soemthing with the thoughts that buzz around my head like bees, continuously stinging me, making me feel like shit.
So nyway, i started crying adn i couldnt be in the hosue anymore. Me and my sister had already argued, so i grabbed my coat nad bag and pulle don my shoes and left.
I jsut walked aorund the area, sticking on some god music, and i haev got ot say, i think Flyleaf are liek my fav band ever! Ok, they're like rock/emo, whatever but they make me feel so much better, they actally make me sing along, not like Glee or soemthing, where, ok it might make you happy... but not really.. find hte music you like whether its hard rock, screamo, jsut put it on when you need your modd lifting, but maybe not if its all, "I wna to die, kill me" sort of music, trust me, that doesnt help,.... i've been there and had that music on!
Now im back, just had a shower and im gonna haev my night snack now, home made chai tea (Yum!) and my sisters home made coco balls... hehe! :)
Until tomorrow!
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