my body

I dont think i'll ever be happy with my body.

Im getting used to it.

Accepting it.

but not

Loving or Liking it.

I dont think i ever will.

I'll just get used to it and accept it.

Accept the fact that im no underweight,

and aslong as i dont want to go back to an inpatiant,

i wont ever be underweight.

Im still trying to tell myself that

what is so pretty about being underweight?

I dont  know.

I mean... its much prettier to be toned

then underweight.

But still...

theres a part of me that just wants to give up food again

and become thin again.

Be small,

invisible.

Pretty.

I dont think i'll ever like having people tell me

Im healthy and i look normal.

It still bugs me,

even though i know its meant as a compliment

but its hard to accept it like that.

I know its a good thing

being normal and healthy

i smile more

im happy

im starting to live my life again

But what i wouldnt do to have someone look at me and think

Anorexic

But thats one of the worst things possible to think,

isnt it?

Im trying to stop thinking like this,

but i suppose it'll take a while until im

mentally healthy

Even though i have thoughts like this,

im never planning to stop eating,

im never being an inpatiant again.

ive been there,

done that

and gained the weight.