All the end less hours sitting on the same sofa, all the hate for the staff, all the meals i ate, all the sadness i felt, how depressed i was, how i couldnt wait for the day to end, but the time went so slowly.
I hated it, it was the worst place imaginable.
Imagine Hell... and times it by 10. Now you can imagine how being an inpatiant at Mando was like.
And i spent several months in there.
Actually, going to Mando everyday as a day patiant sucked as well... and i spent like a year at Mando.
And im getting flashbacks. Im scared. Im worried. and i dont even know why.
I think its because im tired, so im feeling low.
And also because im getting such mixed senses... somedays i feel like i cant stop eating and others i feel like im at bursting point and always full even though i havent eaten so much.
So i dont know what it is. What my bodys telling me.
And i dont even know if ive gone up in weight or lost weight.
Like i dont care about it so much, but of course, the doctors and my case manager at Mando all care... so i have to as well.
I hate Mando. Its the one place i really detest. Its the place i feel fat. And where i get these awful feelings. When im feeling good, i like what im wearing, im feeling good in my own body, then i like to walk in and be like... im not friggin fat. Im me. And i like my body.
But most of the time when i go there, i see the tiny little girls (and guys) sitting in HDV and there's this weird feeling inside of me.
And i jsut want to run away when i get in the doors.
Its a horrible place to be.
Do my tests.
Go to Mando.
Get things done.
Maybe go for a jog someday, blow off some steam.
And then....
next week.
its break.
It feels so good.
hi dont look at the past your future and what is a head of you happiness and love and can i ask your name mine is sarah
ReplyDeleteHi...
ReplyDeletesorry, i dont give out my name... but i write izzi when i write comments.