Anyway, tomorrow im going there to talk to patients!!! ^_^ It was on Thursday when i agreed to come and talk to patients. Ive wanted to talk to patients... or you know, to try to motivate patients. Even if its just a tiny bit of motivation. And i dont have a mind talking about what ive been through either....
Of course, now that ive said that im going to go... im wondering what the hell im going to say? Like seriously.... If anyone (reading this) who has been to Mando and recovered and talked to patients there... what do you say? Like talk about what youve been through? Your time at Mando? haha. I dont know.
My brain just isnt working either, so i am just going to go with the flow!! Hahah.... see what comes out of my mouth, because i just dont know!
I am actually nervous now.
In all honesty, i dont really feel like going there... going back to Mando... Memories... memories!!
Today during dinner i told my mum that i was going to talk to patients at Mando tomorrow. And then our conversation turned towards Mando.... and the patients and memories and experience... *shiver*
I dont mind talking about what ive been through to friends or people i dont know... but to my mum... it just feels weird. I guess its because she went through it with me... or sort of.
i just dont want to bring up bad memories, its like pulling up a bandage on a sore. It stings... its better to just leave that bandage on the sore. Let the sore heal.... I dont know why i find it so weird talking about it with my mum. She can laugh about it... but i cant really, not with her.
Of course, there were one or two memories which i could laugh about...
Like the time i went to the cinema during the evening with my mum (i had permission) but the cinema was longer than we thought (we hadnt checked how long it was) and the staff kept ringing us wondering where we were. And then my mum had driven me around like crazy in my wheel chair, and i had even driven her around in the wheel chair (she wanted to show me that it was better to just sit in the wheelchair than having to actually push someone in the chair!!!)
And the time that we left the wheel chair and went shopping!! !(hahaha XD) of course, the staff gave out to my mum and me!!! But my mum took none of it, saying that i should be allowed to have a little fun!!
There was even the time (this isnt Mando related.. but my mum brought it up (i had forgotten about it)) that i was home for the weekend, and my mum was going to go to her aunts birthday party and really i wasnt allowed to do anything that weekend, but she took me with her to the party, so that i wouldnt do anything silly... though, while i was there i had like half a glass of wine. But because i had barely eaten that day and was so underweight, i became tipsy and started swaying around the place... and well, cant say i remember so much from that party!! ahha
I could laugh about a few memories... but most of them hurt. All the bad times. All the tears and hate and panic and anxiety... its like i can feel it in my body... feel all the emotions. I hate it.
I just cant wait until i no longer have to go there....
Jag har inte pratat med patienter på mando men med deras anhöriga på en sån där FAB träff! Jag kan väl säga att jag inte var så väl förberedd... Trots att jag hade fått ett papper av Monica med lite punkter som jag kunde ta upp. Kan maila det till dig!
ReplyDeleteJag tycker att du kan prata lite om hur sjukt du var, hur det gick på hdv och så, Kanske inte berätta exakt vad du vägde eller en massa siffror. Kanske mer "Jag var väldigt sjukt, hade ett lågt BMI, fick sitta i rullsol, osv" istället för att "jag hade ett bmi på 13, tränade 4 timmar varje dag, osv".
Men kan även tycka att det är bra att prata om att sjukdomen sitter i huvudet (även om man är fysisk dålig eller ej så sitter det i huvudet). När det vände för dig och du ville bli frisk. Hur du gjorde och hur du lever idag!
Tycker fortfarande inte om att gå till mando trots att jag är friskskriven, jag blir på så dåligt humör... en massa konstiga känslor. Så Prata med patienterna men sen om du kan, gå hem och ta det lugnt/ gå/springa och sen bara vara hemma, titta på tv/ läsa eller ja vad du vill! ;) Kram!
Tacka för alla tips!! :) näe tänkte inte säga några siffror. Det är ju triggande för många!!!
DeleteAah tänker kanske åka till gymmet eller något efteråt. Känns lite konstigt att komma göra det. Me n tycker det är jobbigt att åka till Mando.... så många minnen och sånt!! Men jag vet att jag kan hjälpa!!!
Och tack igen!
I'm basically where they are. I am not in treatment, and my anorexia isn't bad enough to go yet. It probably never will be. I don't want recovery. But you inspire me some days to just get up and keep going. To not give in. I attempted suicide once, not too long ago. I don't want to do it again. Or I do, but I know I can't.
ReplyDeleteI hope your talking to patients goes well, you're so inspirational!! Maybe you could post about what you say on here? Just so maybe I can read it and it could help me maybe? I don't exactly know if this makes any sense, or if you see this comment, but I just thought i'd put it out there. Xx
Haha förlåt Izzy men jag måste bara skratta åt dina "minnen"
ReplyDeleteFan vad sura jag minns att personalen blev då man inte följde det där med rullstolen. Jag var också ute i centrum med mamma en gång och vi parkerade rullstolen utanför en affär för att kunna gå in i affären(så himla trångt därinne)och de blev sura när de fått reda på att jag gick inne i affären.. suck asså :P
Men jag håller med Emelie. Berätta om "din resa" liksom . Om hur du var när du kom, om att du gjorde framsteg men sedan fick bakslag oh fick läggas in igen. Råd hur man ska försöka förhindra bakslag (fast nämn samtidigt att bakslag är vanligt).
Lycka till ! <3