Mando.

Good morning/afternoon/evening :)
 
Right now it is 9.55am - and im getting ready to go to Mando. -_- Its funny that i always forget about when im going there until the day before.... XD It always feels weird going back to Mando... Safe to say, its not my favourite place to be.
   I always get thoughts about, am i healthy? What if im doing things wrong? what if ive lost weight? And whenever i go to Mando i always double think of whatever im doing... like, should i not go get a glass of water because its too much walking? to not fidget and to remember to lean back in the chair. Its like i try to relax loads, but it almost ends up becoming fake? haha.
  There is always the crisis that, my bladder is the size of a pea... so i almost always need the bathroom after food. And it doesnt help that i drink loads. But of course, i always feel embarrassed asking to go to the bathroom like 10 minutes after eating lunch... -_- uurrgh.
   
Today im going for one of my follow-ups. I'll be filling in loads of papers and just talking about how life is now, and of course getting weighed. I have no idea what i weigh and generally i dont care. I mean its a number, and it doesnt and shouldnt determine how i feel. :)
   Sometimes im amazed at how far i have come - yes i know ive been healthy for more then a year - but it can still amaze me that i actually managed to become healthy. Because when i was sick, i never thought it was possible. I thought i was a hopeless case, that i would be forever sick. And trust me, i wasnt the only one who thought that. THere were staff at Mando, and even the doctor there told me that they couldnt help me. 
   But with my own mental power and inner strength, i could recover :) To go from being scared of eating a rice cake or even an apple, to now being able to eat whatever i want, whnever i want. That is huge :)
  Recovery is a choice which i have never regretted.

Many things in  my life i have regretted, but i have never though twice about recovery - actual recovery. Not my failed attempts at eating - just so i could go back to starving again.
 
I am also going to be talking to a patient today at Mando... im half nervous because really, i have no idea what im going to say? haha... i guess its just to say what ive been through, my time at Mando and how my life is now,.... i guess? haha.
  Ill most probably end up sitting there, not knowing what to say... As usual i guess ;)

^^From when i was in Ireland (a few weeks ago)