Progress

Today, ive looked back at old pictures of myself. It makes me sad to see how i was, and makes me sad to think how many years i wasted of my life. But i have learnt alot during my life and i would definintely not be where i am now, if i hadnt become sick. And i dont regret it. Sure, it was hell. But i have come so far.

   I dont even want to think about how my life would be if i hadnt become sick. 

I actually like my life now. I like my school, i like my friends, i love where i live, i love my family and my dog, i love my  body, i love myself. Sure, there are always things you want to improve, i.e more money, wish you had more of a social life, better hair or nails etc... but im not looking at the negatives. Because i am generally happy with my life.

And its now, that i am just feeling happy. I haev come so far. I have been through so much.

  And looking at photos of myself, i would never ever wish to go back to that. To being skinny? What is the point in it? To be scared of eating? Scared of meeting friends? Scared of living? Not having the energy to do certain things... That just isnt a life. You miss out on so much, and for what... to lose weight? To be skinny... but where is that gfetting you? Are you happy? Do you enjoy your life?

  Ok, i know that an ED is a mental disorder and nothing something whcih you can jsut wake up and be recovered from. It takes time and usually involves relapses. But still, you have to look at the positive and negatives.

  When you think about recovery, just forget the weight. Dont even think abotu gaining weight, think about the other things you will be gaining. Freedom. Life. Fun. Not scared to eat. Enjoy food. Enjoy life. Not constantly hiding or stuck in your routines. A social life. A love life. ? To travel and enjoy it? To be with friends? To nto feel bad abotu eating. Not constantly lying.

   Isnt that worth it? 

Recovery is worth it. Being sick, just shouldnt be an option....

^^these are both old pictures..^^