I jsut realised, im scared to grow old. When i saw this old woman today, grey hair, walking stick, arched back, saggy skin, Old..... mean... yes i know.
but i was like..no, im never going to be like that. id rather die young than grow up.
I cant see myself being old, with gray hair, saggy skin, grandchildren, no life anymore. pain in my bones ((well i have that now.) and im jsut like, i dont want it. you can take it. kill me at 20. i dont want to be old.
But the thing is, i cant even see myself in 5 years. 20 years, 50 years, how the hell am i going to see myself in 70years time, as an old pensioner.
Im scared. i dont know what i want with my life, which school to go to, which job.
I worry abut everything - money, finding a job, getting an education, finding a partner, having kids, having a house, paying taxes.... everything. and im only a kid, i shouldnt have to worry about that now.
Im scared of becoming old and dont want to, i dont think i even want to be 20. i want to be 5 again. life was easy. who wants to be a teenager? or an adult? or a pensioner?
It's exactly how I feel. I wish I where 4 again. Can't even see my life in a few months, unless I have something to be looking forward at. I always thought that I would die young, that there's no life after 25. However I have lately started reconsidering that. Life is not just years, it's the collection of experiences and memories. Happy or not, they shape your personality, creates you and makes you to the person you are. Besides you never know what will happen to you. Maybe you win the lotto, get married to the man of your dreams and don't have to worry about a thing! You can just wait and see, and at the same time just try to fill you life with things that make you glad. Small, everyday things that make everything significant.
ReplyDeleteLove, A. <3
thats sad. life begins at 40 they say. dont miss out.
ReplyDeleteHaha.
ReplyDeleteNever heard of that before!!
You could be right? :)