Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: [email protected]

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Thursday, January 10, 2013

In the way

Something is wrong with me, it feels like im just in the way at home... even though i am mostly in my room. -_-
  It feels like my mum and P hate me. We barely speak anymore... of course, i cant blame it on them.
I have had major mood swings... and have been seriously angry, like inside... ive been so angry, and tired. So i havent exactly been social...
  But it feels weird, i feel awkward. I dont want to leave my room. I just want to lie on my bed and cry.

 What is wrong with me? Why can everyone else be nice and social? Me... i feel like im some angry, mood swings person.. it feels like i cant even be around people because my mood goes so up and down.

Usch... i cant even describe it, im just trying to get whatever it is im feeling out of me.

 Its this lonliness... its this unwanted feeling.

In the whole day, i might speak with my mum for 10 minutes... that is pretty much it. It feels like i have nothing to say.... even if i just want to sit down and tell my mum everything, about htings whichh ave happend in school, or the results i got on a test, or just...anything.... but nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stand there.... not sure what to say.... What is wrong with me?
   My mum has even stopped asking me if im gonna eat dinner with them? I mean... what?
  She just figures that i will fix something for myself... so basically... there is no dinner conversation or interaction there either...

Usch. I hate my life. Why do i feel so lonely... so unwanted? -_-

And in all honesty, i cant blame it on anyone else because i know its all me. Its me who isnt talking, its me who is socially awkward, its me who has mood swings and seems to be very unstable....




^^^Every fucking day... i just want to leave. Not say anything... just go.

4 comments:

  1. ClemmyJanuary 10, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    Again... im right with you hun. Sometimes i just feel like im so, i dunno... in the way, like i dont deserve to be in my familys presence. But then i know its probably MY fault, cos i get so easily irritated and stuff. So i just go and hang out in my room, cos then i wont be likely to get annoyed with them and cause a fight... its hard. but you have to stay strong :) youre not alone, k?! xx

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    1. IzzyJanuary 11, 2013 at 6:45 AM

      It's weird how everything you just wrote I'm like.... 'I'm exactly the same' easily irritated. And think it's my fault so I just hide away... making myself even more anti-social. :/
      Thank you. Stay strong you too!!:)

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  2. CJ (:January 10, 2013 at 11:40 PM

    I am right with you. I totally have this, and it's made me push away from everyone. My family, "friends" and even acquaintances. I think it might be some teenager thing?!!!??! Seriously. It isn't just you, I, or Clemmy above. Just try to relax, and when you feel like talking, you will. (:

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    1. IzzyJanuary 11, 2013 at 6:47 AM

      Hmm I'm actually thinking that it is more than just a teenager thing. As there is such a jumble and mess inside my head. And loads of thoughts which aren't normal. So I'm thinking I might just have to talk to my mum.... because I'm basically placing myself into a box... I can't keep pushing people away. Or thinki ng I'm fine.... because really, my irritation, mood swings etc... a're all signs of something else .. :/ but I'm sure things will get better for all of us!!! X

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