Just numb? Neither happy or sad. Right now, i feel like i am struggling to keep in contact with people... or to actually be social.
And i dont quite know why? Im struggling to get anything done. Im not feeling so motivated to anything.
Ive also had thoughts about the future, and feeling this pressure from family and society to know what i want to do with my future/my life. And i dont. There are ideas of this and ideas of That. But generally, i have no idea. Sometimes i struggle to even see a future for myself, sometimes i find it hard to believe that i will actually make it till my 20th birthday, or something.
SO having alot of thoughts recently, and also feeling extremely tired. And then a whole combination of things, and my complete lack of appetite arent making things bettter.
I am just feeling like blllahhh. Cant even put words to my emotions or feelings. I dont know what i want to do. I know im not happy, but it feels lke i cant be bothered about it anymore. I've felt numb so long, that its like i dont care anymore... or i do i guess. But its like, im not striving after happy anymore? If that even makes sense.
Im not looking forward to anything, and nothing really makes me happy anyway? Or nothing i can think of.
I mean i love running, or just going for walks and listening to music, but that just lasts during the walk/run and a little afterwards....
Now this post has just become long and boring, and just a mess of words and thoughts.
But its just that i am trying to make sense of things, trying to actually understand how i am feeling and what is going on in my head, but really.. im still as confused. :/
I know how that is. It's so difficult to get past, that numbness.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have any advice to offer you, as that's how i'm feeling right now too.
But just so you know you're not alone. Xx