Weight gain

I remember the time when stepping on the scale was something i feared. Something i dreaded. I so desperately wanted to see the number on the scale, as that number seemed to put a worth on me. It defined me. It told me whether i was good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, sick enough... but at the same time, all i wanted to do was turn my head and not care.
   The number on the scale, my bodymass, that scared the s**t out of me. It gave me so much anxiety and fear. A number, that is all it is could inflict so much self hatred within myself. I vowed that i would never weigh more than X kilo. That i would kill myself before i weighed Y kilo...
   
And here i am, weighing more than that silly number i had put for myself. 

Today i am happy. I have no weight anxiety or fobia for the scale. I don't weigh myself. We don't have a scale at home, and i don't care about my weight, or what the number is. As long as i feel happy and healthy, as long as i am happy in my body, that number can not control me.

Today, however i did weigh myself. A few weeks ago, i wrote that i had lost weight. I had been at the CFclinic, and they told me that i had lost a few kilo... which is actually a big deal, considering that i am in the lowest healthy weight range for my height & age.
  So they were very worried and as i dont really care about my weight, it didn't bother me so much. And i knew that the most possible reason why i had lost wieght was because i was very stressed at that time (and still am, but i am coping better) and i had unconsciouly begun to eat less - i had almost no apetite.) So i scheduled an appointment with my dietician, just so that i know how much i should eat and maybe to begin with supplement drinks if i couldn't manage to gain wieght on my own.

This week i was supposed to go to the CF clinic again & my dietician, but because of assignments and tests this week, i rescheduled to next week.

I haven't consciouly made an effort to eat more or to gain weight.... because if im honest. I dont know how much i should eat to gain weight. I dont count calories and have absaloutly no idea how many calories i eat everyday, and cant be bothered to figure it out. So i have been eating more, snacking more often and eating more calorie dense food. In the hopes of gaining weight.

So, today i weighed myself, to see what the outcome was... whether i would have to seriously eat LOADS this week or if i could just keep doing what i was doing. And to my surprise and happiness! I have gained those lost kilo!!!! Never did i think that i would be happy about weight gain. But i am. I am very proud of myself :):)


   I am very stressed at the moment, i know that my appetite is starting to decrease again, but i am not going to let my hard work and weight gain be ruined by this. So i am going to make conscious effort to keep eating more and make sure i am eating enough!!

Dont see weight gain as a bad thing, because it isnt necessarily that.
   Just like people are happy they've lost weight (because they need to), you should be happy that you've gained weight!!
  Celebrate your 2kg weight gain :) Even if it sounds ridiculous or stupid.... it doesnt matter!


I am celebrating my weight gain with 2 quest bars :) (Because you know... if you're gonna eat loads, and eat enough, you might aswell eat food you love!! ^_^ Though the only sad thing is that now i only have 1 quest bar left :(:( )
 

^^I ate 1 chocolate brownie & 1 cookie dough^^¨nom nom nom :)