Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: [email protected]

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

So worked up

I can't even think about it without getting worked up and angry.

Ok... I should forger weight. Just let it go. I mean, it's just a number, right? So us BMI.
But the thing is, I'm now like 50jg and BMI 16. But yet Istill have to gain weight. When I'm healthy.

I mean. I feel fine. I have energy.
I haven't weighed this much in like atleast a year.
But I feel fine. I would be ok with keeping this weight. Keeping this body. Sure I'd love to lose weight.
But it's just that, I can't say that. It's like Taboo to speak about weight. Bit why should u go up anymore, when I dint need it. Can't I just have a mealplan to obtain this weight?
Why do the doctors get to decide what my healthy weight. Tell me I'm going to be healthy when I weight that certain amount. Its sick, cus I don't get a say. I don't trust weight curve or BMI. I'm fine now. Healthy. Have energy.

I can't even describe how worked up I am over this. I mean I feel my head is going yo explode from anger and from thinking about this. I don't have a say. I can't say - now I'm not going up any more. I'm staying at this weight. I'll get kicked out. Maybe?

Bit everytime I think about this (24/7) I want to scream, claw myself out of my skin. Break free. I can't handle it.

I just can't go up anymore in weight. I just can't

Work on my head. make me better there. Leave my body alone. My body is fine how it is.

God, I feel like screaming again. I can't handle this.

I get so angry over this, that it makes me want to take more pills, just To Stop the thoughts. To feel numb. To not think anything. Not to think thus same thought over and over and get so agitated and angry over it

I'll never be able to sleep. Not feeling like this.

Have you ever gone through thus feeling. I've definitely not wanting to go up in weight. Cus you feel healthy, normal, fine weight?

How will I get over this?

3 comments:

  1. Jag har gått igenom det där. Man dör hellre smal än lever tjock, men nu när jag är nästan är uppe på min målvikt så kan jag tycka att jag ser helt okej ut ändå.
    Och Izzy, även om du känner dig frisk och har mycket energi så är inte kroppen frisk på bmi 16. Jag hade t ex ingen mens då och det är ett tecken på att kroppen inte mår bra. Sen är du ju fortfarande deprimerad - något som kommer med undervikten. Även om du inte tror det så kommer du att känna dig gladare när du närmar dig en hälsosammare vikt ;)

    Hoppas att du får en bra dag!

    ReplyDelete

  2. Fast det är också väldigt individuellt det där med bmi har jag kommit på.
    För de flesta är nog ett bmi på 16 för lågt. Men vissas kroppar tål det eller vad man ska säga.
    Jag fick tillbaka min mens precis när jag hade kommit ur rullstolen och låg då runt 14 i bmi så därför visar min kropp att den funkar även vid lägre vikter. Men majoriteten mår inte som bäst av ett sånt lågt bmi.

    Ta hand om dig vännen
    Kram

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  3. Hi,
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