Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: [email protected]

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Diary entry

I just want to scream, Shout. Throw a brick in the wall.  Im not getting better!
  I want to yell... i want everyone to realise!!

I dont even have the motivation or energy to  keep going. Im so tired of everything. Im so tired of being sick.
   I want help. I want someone to see that i need help. But im too scared to say anything... i cant ask anyone for help. Tell anyone how i feel, what im going through.
  
I dont want to get better, but at the same time i do. But this isnt working. Why wont anyone listen to me?
 Im on my own, plotting wats to kill myself... eating isnt helping. Theres no words to describe how i feel about myself. I hate eating. I hate my life.
 
I dont smile anymore, nothing is fun. I dont laugh  I hide away. I dont have a futur, or i do... maybe-. As a fat girl. But i dont want that future. Im ugly. The ugliest person alive.
  Unloved.

Not even my mum or sister want to speak to me. No visitors. No friends.

   I want to die. It would be a relief.

What would my mum think if i OD'd again? Could i do that to her? But this isnt her life...
  This time i'll kill myself, so she doesnt have to sugger anymore.
Maybe then she and everyone else will realise how much pain i had. How hurt i was.
Maybe then they would realise that they should have listened to me, cared about me... done something to help me.
    


I am so glad that Mando & my families help and support actually did work. That i didnt get a chance to OD again. They made me realise that by killing myself i wasnt going to end anyones suffereing. My mum wasnt sudenly going to start living her life.
   While i was sick, i was very ego-istic as many are... they think that they are unloved and that if they die everyone will be happy again.... but thats not how it is.
   They dont see how hard it is for everyone around them. But of course, many dont realise hwo much pain and hurt the person who is sick has... how much they go through on their own... only wishing that someone would actually realise how they're struggling and do something to help them.
  

1 comment:

  1. And now you´re this beautiful person inside and out. I´m glad that you found that strength to get out of anorexia.

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