Answers

Recently ive been asked a few questions, mainly about my mum and how she was during my recovery, so i thought i would answer them in a post :) & 1 or 2 other ones :)

 And also I was wondering how your Mum was during your illness because my mum never gave up on me, always ordering me to eat and making me food and getting me to sit in front of it and bashing at the door if I was purging, threatening to take me out of school and quit her job to look after me. She always seemed to make me feel really guilty! I'm in recovery now but I was just curious about your mum during the worst?
  
Your mum is a great person, never giving up on you. Remember that :) It is not easyfor parents when their child is sick. And when you have an ED, you are so sneaky, very manipulative and malicious... thats just how the illness is. It turns the person who is sick into something they are not. And its not easy for the family or friends to be around the person who is sick.
   While i was sick, my mum was very strong. She found it incredibly tough to see me getting worse, to see the new scars appearing on my arms. And to see me lose wieght and just get worse. She hoped for the best, that each time i got admitted i would get better, that i would start eating again.
   Its easy for parents to want to give up, and my mum almost did give up on me. The last time i got admitted (April 2011) my mum had almost given up on me.  I was crying saying that i wanted to come home, but i was at my absaloute worst and my mum told me that 'that wouldnt work' that she couldnt take the responsibility for me anymore. Even if my mum had tried to do soemthing, it wouldnt have worked as i would have either died from my low bodyweight or suicide if i hadnt been admitted once again.
   But my mum has been very strong and always fought for my sake. She was the one who made the decision to move back to Sweden, as the healthcare for EDs wasnt so great in Ireland, and i was just getting worse.
   During my recovery though she gave me too much freedom, as she expected me to do the right thing... but that isnt so easy. When you are recovering, it is best to have someone who stands behind you all the time. Who will make you sit down at the table until you've eaten  your dinner. Someone who will be a 'bitch' and make you do the things you dont want to do. But that is what is needed.
  And my mum realised that when i got admitted for the 5th time.. and the last time. She realised that she couldnt be the 'good cop' anymore. And that was when she made sure i ate, made sure that i rested. And that is what helped me fully recover. So supportive parents(or friends) are needed in recovery. :)

How did you mom react when you were sick? Like did she really notice and try to get to to do something to get better?
It was my mum who found out what was going on, what i was doing. She had noticed that i had lost alot of weight and stopped eating, even though this had been going on for 2 years (slowly developing over time, just getting worse and worse). She took me to the doctors straight away where i was weighed and the doctors saw how underweight i was. And then i got an appointment to a therapist where i would start going for a talk.
  So my mum had to drive me 90 minutes once a week to the therapist. Of course, that didnt really work.  So then after losing more wieght i was admitted to a kids psych ward.
  My mum tried to do everything she could. She came to visit me as often as she could, even though the hospital was 90 minutes away from where we lived and seh was working long days 5 days a week. I was on complete bedrest, but She argued with the staff so that i would get a few minutes outside for fresh air each day. I wasnt allowed any visitors because that craved 'too much energy' but my mum once again argued with the staff there saying that i needed fmaily or friends ot visit me.
    So she has always fought for my sake, because... hospitals and staff arent always 'right'. They dont always know whats best. I mean, telling a 14 year old girl, on complete bed rest that she isnt allowed to see family or friends because it takes too much energy is completly absurd. That is not right.

And like i mentioned above, when she noticed after 2,5 months of being admitted in hospital, and having ot have NG feeding that iw asnt getting much better she decided we should move to Sweden, where i would get better health care.
  And that was actually the decision that saved my life. Even if it took 2 years after that decision for me to actually recover. But still....
  

Or did she not notice? Was that why it went on so long before you went into treatment?
  My ED developed into a full blown Ed over 2 years. It started with no lunch in school. Then no breakfast. Then i started over exercising. And then i began with purging... all that happened over a period of time.
  And my mum worked in a spa at the hotel so she gave massages and that at the hotel and di yoga classes. So she wasnt always home during the evenings. So she didnt know if i ate or not, she had no reason to suspect me. I always wore baggy clothes, so my weightloss wasnt so visible. And as i was getting sicker in my ED, my CF was getting worse as well, so i was home alone alot aswell. And because i was sick due to my CF, which carves alot of energy when i get lung infections, no one thought that i was purposly losing weight... they just thought it was because my CF was taking so much energy...
   I think why it took 2 years before anyone noticed was because alot could eb blamed on my CF, which i did blame it on. The tiredness, the loss of apetite. No energy. And then i explained my walks or runs because i needed the exercise for my lungs...

What are some good tips? Like on dealing with your anxiety?
  I no longer get food related anxiety, i get school realted anxiety... but i guess anxiety is anxiety.
 For i find running or walking helps alot with my anxiety, but of course, that isnt the best alternative when you are recovering from an ED. As that can lead to obsessive exercise, as you think going for walks/runs is the only thing that helps with anxiety.
  Otherwise, ive started with my 'vision book' which is a great anxiety reliever. When i have anxiety, i like to do something creative, whether its writing, cutting things out from a magazine, singing to music. I try to do something with my hands though when i have anxiety... im not someone who can just sit and read a book, but that might help some.
  
When you have anxiety its good to do somethign to take your mind off anxiety.... to not just sit with your thoughts... So find something which you like doing, which takes your  mind offf things.
  And remember that anxiety passes. It might take 10 minutes or an hour, or more... but it does pass it doesnt last forever. You just ned to find your 'coping method'. Something non-destructive.

How would you feel if someone you knew found your blog? Would that be a problem for you.
   I do have a few friends and my sister who have found my blog.... which... my blog is very open and very public.. so i cant stop people from reading, but at the samet ime it feels like an invasion of my privacy. Even thouigh that sounds stupid, but this is like... an open diary? hahah XD ok. Not a diary anymore, but it used to be.
   I know my sister checks my blog now and again. It used to be a bigger problem before, while i was sick because i used to write up things like, i self harmed, how i felt etc etc. And it felt like she judged me by my thoughts, by what i wrote down. And of course, i didnt want her to know how i felt... how i really felt.
Then my best friend in Ireland found my blog after i had been there in May (this year). But she already knew i had a blog, and i dont mind her reading as i dont haev anything to hide... :)
  I know D knows my blog, but i dont think she reads... ive said its fine if she wants to... but i think shes decided not to? Not sure why?
  
I guess if someone from my new school were to find my blog, it would be a bit of a problem... or more... awkward? It feels like if my new friends who dont know ive had noarexia were to find out if feels like they'd judge me, or start thinking things... its like i couldnt be normal anymore? I dont want to be judged by my past.
   But i guess as i dont have my name here.... (even though a few have found me on FB... Hmmm stalkers? hahah) i might eb found someday.But im not going to dwell on that now :)